Colonel Mustard once more sounds off on the Bays’ latest cricketing embranglement.
Well my hearties – and I hope you don’t take umbrage at my informal tones so early in a document as important to the Bays as the Magna Carta, Gettysburg Address or dare I say it that most important of border agreements, inscribed on a stone block signifying the boundary between Eannatum of Lagash and Umma in Mesopotamia in circa 3100 bc.
The position of Birdlip and Brimpsfield’s ground is high up above the metropolis of Cheltenham, sitting on a large lump of fossil-impregnated Cotswold Oolitic Jurassic Limestone. The ground is pleasantly embowered, with the trees doing their very best to hush the continuous noise of the raucous traffic that thunders past interminably. At the beginning of the game a green woodpecker or yaffle, for some strange reason attached itself momentarily to a fence post on the far side of the playing area before crossing the pitch in the direction of the George, presumably for a livener or possibly on such a hot afternoon, a snootful of Abbot. Now that Professor Yaffle had toodled off in his random avian way, the game began in earnest, with the mighty Bays in the field under the pristine azure firmament.
Birdlip negotiated the first over without a hint of a problem, with Steve Twine unleashing the leather at Birdlip’s Bidmead. Angus Guthrie opening bowler and indeed batsman this week, started the party with a brace of wickets in the second over. The unfortunate Bidmead, who had clonked a four went clean bowled to a ball that was simply too good. It pitched just about outside the line of off, to seam inwards with gusto and splatter the stumps. Khan came and went before you could blink, with Guthrie removing him LBW very next ball. The batsman hadn’t seen the raised finger and must have suffered an acute spasm of generous indignation after rather unceremoniously being told that he needed to scud off back to the pavilion. At least the poor blighter wasn’t going to suffer sunstroke in this sunniest of sunny afternoons.
Twine and Guthrie toiled away in the heat, before bowling duties passed to guest player Oscar Mann (shadowy photographer) and our very own Alex Bertie Van Dyke. The latter managed the only maiden in the game before smartly removing Holder for 26, caught and bowled. Why use two hands when one suffices as the Bishop or was it Abbot said to the barmaid?
G Morris with his score on 12 was next to go. Once more, Alex who clearly knows his job on the cricket field, from soup to nuts, missed it seemed a second caught and bowled, but little did we realise that he wished to run the blighter out at the non-strike end. One batsman sighed a sigh of relief whilst the other, due to the straight drive of his partner, must have considered himself most unlucky, when the bails flew off. Into each life, some rain must fall and so it was with poor metaphorically drenched Morris.
Mahmud had been a little too good for the Bays bowlers and he left the field undefeated after passing his fifty with a decadent reverse shot. Oscar finished his seven with 42 runs against him, but it must be said, a good spell. Chris Thorp thundering down off his full run showed variation to an alarming extent at times. He was unlucky having drawn Hancox down the wicket to see the stumping chance go begging, as the ball hit the keeper to dribble away. No matter, you can’t keep a Thorp without an ‘E’ down and shortly afterwards Guthrie caught Nitin for just a single. No heroic diving this week, just a somewhat casual few back paces and a single hand, to pluck the ball, Cox’s Pippin like from the welkin.
Tom Liley, still suffering with an Achilles problem began a short spell of bowling. Short, in that it was off about three or four paces and only lasted three overs. However, the lack of steps and deliveries didn’t hinder Liley’s ability to remove batsmen. First, the improving Blackburn was clean bowled to a ripsnorter that came in not unlike Angus’ earlier dismissal. Sri was soon to follow Nitin, once more, clean bowled.
Twine had rejoined Liley to finish the bowling and he deservedly had the returning Mahmud in knots, also bowling him. 188 posted by Birdlip & B and the players set off for the pavilion for drinks and food and assorted mirth and merriment and cricketing banter.
Angus Guthrie was padded up and ready to go, before the sandwich box lids had been removed and the cheesy and beetrooty / mustardy / rockety contents even sniffed. Such is his enthusiasm for the game! Hip hip hurrah to him we say. Good man and so on. In contrast, Norbert (Sir) Nobby Pierce was getting on the outside of a large piece of venison, using his bat as a platter for sundry pies and other various comestibles. After a considerable hiatus, during which time, it must be reported that Abbot Ale was seen being quaffed with considerable gusto, the players finally got back onto the field. A pied wagtail had been spotted lurking on the perimeter and shortly after play began, a buzzard took up his position above the batsmen like a drone in some god-forsaken war-torn arena.
The aforementioned Pierce, dusted off the crumbs adorning his bat and with Guthrie moved the score steadily if not spectacularly upwards. Ten overs gone and exactly 50 on the board. The first wicket to fall was in the 13th over and it was the unfortunate Guthrie, clean-bowled after someone told him it was nearly 5 o’clock. Once out, Angus buzzed for the gate like a mustang on a promise.
Norbert in the meantime decided that he might as well get to his 50 and retire. Suddenly, producing a welter of four fours in 5 balls and he was nearly there. A single and a two saw him over the line and back in the hutch with his rather becoming noddy hat still in place.
The captain – Old Pritchers strode to the crease like some sort of latter-day Colossus from mythology of the Greek persuasion, wielding his mighty bat. Only 15 balls later, the first four crashed to the fence. Three more fours followed, before Steve P was caught off Nitin for 24. Alex van Dyke went third ball for a duck bowled by Blackburn, before Oscar suffered the same fate, being sharply stumped.
Suddenly, wickets were falling and the run rate receding. Tom and Steve Liley added just 5 before Steve left for a single, cleaned-up, caught and bowled Nitin. Tom left shortly afterwards having hit the one four, with just 8 to his name. Twine after two fours also left for 8 run out and Hawk aka Chris Thorp was also run out for 2 after some lusty blows that kept picking out the fielder.
Nobby returned and with Weyman at the other end there was hope of sorts. Some forty or so runs needed in about 5 overs. The very next ball Chris Weyman who made a brisk 18 off 14, was caught behind and as they say, that was that.
The Bays were all out for 154, chasing 188. As you can imagine, this result had taken the team amidships. The Bays was taking on beer at a rapid rate of knots, but definitely not sinking. After leaving the ground, the George was found to be too busy with a queue extending out of the pub, so the Rotunda provided the necessary libations. Bays’ team spirit was as ever undaunted and undented and there was, dear and highly esteemed reader the subtle realisation that the team and its diverse players, were not put in this world for pleasure alone.
Birdlip 188\8
Mahmud 63, Holder 26, Blackburn 31
Twine 7/-/34/1, Guthrie 7/-/22/2, Van Dyke 7/1/40/1, Thorp 5/-/29/1, Liley T 3/-/16/2
Bayshill 154 all out
Pierce 50* / 61/ 8 fours
Pritchard S 24 / 42 / 4
Blackburn 4/-/25/4.