By Colonel Mustard (still self-isolating in accordance with instructions from Feb this year)
Rhubarb pickle in a cheese sandwich is as much of a surprise as it is a delight. Ex Bays captain Pete Arnold, who sadly passed away last year had a wife by the name of Maggie, who still produces this fantastic relish with relish and skill.
I would like to pay tribute to Pete and his lady wife and ask all Bays players past and present to raise a glass to his memory and to Maggie for her dedication to the club over many years and her resolute support for him and the club.
Now, the serious stuff has been dealt with, I move insidiously towards the mayhem and madness that sometimes comes into play on this website… Think ont…
Match number 22 or in parlance of the Bingo Caller, ‘2 Little Ducks!’ And so it proved, 2 ducks in the match, one on each side. I will not reveal the Bays duck for fear of upsetting Bronwen, Paul’s supporting lady wife.
So without further flannel, prevarication and time wasting, I’ll get straight to the game. Before I do though, I thought I’d tell you about a fully grown man (& some say Bayshill batsman – who loves chips), who was the victim of knife crime in Cheltenham. No dear fragile reader, this isn’t funny, as the hoody wearing country lines Johnnie’s seem to be pushing into our leafy lanes and pretty promenades.
Steve Pritchard (teacher / pedagogue / canine handler) was attacked in his own home not once but twice by a maniac wielding a pack of razor sharp knives! Poor Steve – the club’s wishes are with him. Steve bravely turned up at game 22, against the Cheltenham Civil Service Club, with himself wrapped in bandages and looking dare I say it, for the sympathy vote. After a short while a picture if the brutish assailant emerged. What sort of dastardly swine would inflict such wounds and mental trauma? I ask you this in good faith…
The truth is out now though and it’s not pretty I have to say. The thug nay, n’er do well was none other than Steve P himself. Opening a pack of knives and then using one was too much for this pedagogue, who the team had placed on such a high plinth that most would suffer a nosebleed (epistaxis to the medical folk). Yes, Mr. P slashed himself and nearly chopped the end of one of his fingers off. Chris Thorp fellow Bayshill pedagogue, (Teacher of the Year South West UK 2014) would never have done this, but then I suppose that’s why he was wasn’t just nominated, but carried off this prize Jason Kenny like. Thorp finished today’s game without cut fingers and an LBW of the highest calibre.
So the game. Where was I?
Nobster lost the toss – happening far too frequently these days. But Cheltenham Civil Service decided to bat; was Nobby using Jedi mind tricks again. ‘We will to the field go,’ he was heard to mutter.
Bays were off to a flyer, with Tom Liley and Paul Saunders throttling the runs out of the game. Paul ended with 3 for 10 and somewhat unlucky Tom 0 for 23. Only Pratt M 64 and Mayes A 71* really worried the Bays, to elevate the score to something worth chasing. Michael Harding bowled well after Tom and Paul, taking 2 for 21 off his 8.
168 was the target set and this only came about due to some good hitting late on. Chris Thorp (decorated teacher unlike Mr P or Mr L) took Pratt’s wicket with the last ball of the innings – LBW!
At tea the captain rallied his troups saying we wouldn’t need batsmen 8,9,10 & 11 as it’d be all over. How right he almost was! But not as he’d or we’d have liked.
After 5 overs the Bays had leapt from the starting line and raced to 4, three of which were tasty extras. In the thirteenth over Sean Price went for 2 off 35 with the score on 27, his first 28 balls being dots. Van Dyke contributed a single run before Horner’s, ‘Yes, No, Yes.’ did him. Alex took it very well, in the chin some would say, only mentioning it about a dozen times through gritted teeth. Horner went on to make 41 off 83, before being caught.
The game was beginning to drift like Saharan sand beginning to drift. Nobby the captain wearing his pixie head gear was clean bowled for 31 off 56. Tom Liley looked like he was going to make a difference, but also fell for just 11 off 17.
Steve Liley and Michael Harding finished the innings when all hope of winning was gone, both making 4*. Steve got in on some of the dottage action with 19 dots of the highest calibre. Hammond was the pick of CSS’s bowlers with 2/12.
Cheltenham Civil Service 168/6
M Pratt 64
A Mayes 71*
Saunders P 8/3/10/3
Liley T 8/2/23/0
Harding M 8/0/21/2
Pierce 4/0/15/0
Thorp 2/0/27/1
Bayshill 114/6
Horner 41/83 6&0
Pierce 31/56 2&0
Hammond 3/0/12/2
P.S.
Mr Van Dyke of the A persuasion said and I quote: ‘I was robbed of a match winning knock!’
A spokesman outside Bayshill House said in the driving rain, ‘ Mr Van Dyke A is welcome to his opinion. That reminds me, is there a kebab van near here.
He added that Bays players (well pedagogues whose names start with P) should not play with sharp objects or be allowed alone in the kitchen or be allowed to be in charge of dogs. Chipping potatoes was completely out of the question…
Statement concluded.