Readers will be distressed to learn that Colonel Mustard is unavailable this week due to a Special Operation he has been summoned to perform. He was last seen in his Tweeds at the railway station of Cheltenham Spa sporting a truss. By the time this report goes live on the internet thingy, we’ll all have a shiny new prime minister, that is a new minister ordered free of charge on Amazon Prime. That’s a great relief to all and sundry I’m sure. Ivor Hugh J Thurston (back from the Amazon basin by coincidence) writes about the Bays last cricketing excursion for your delectation.
Monkeying about before a match is probably not the best of ideas. When I say monkeying, I’m not referring to chimps, gorillas or indeed baboons, but to a visit to the Monkey House, which lies not that distant from the great cricketing arena of Eckington. One of the few cider houses left in our country; it reeks nostalgia. More or less unchanged since our queen, that is Victoria, (Gawd Bless Her!) shrugged off her mortal coil, it survives somehow, cowering against the ravages of the modern world.
With a shiny new ball, which some of our cricketers said wasn’t round, the match began. Eckington’s batsmen (note not batters) were at the crease, with the Bays bowlermen (note not bowlerers) bowling. A thirty over thrash on a Sunday, with the weather finally turning to true English form. A bit of mist, a bit of rain and a bit of wind and even the odd bit of sunshine.
Bays had an early breakthrough with Alex Van Dyke catching Flowers out for 4 off Michael Harding’s bowling. Things weren’t going all the way of the visiting club however, as the score was up to 49 after the first six overs, with Thorner and Green pushing the score along with a degree of urgency. The former on 19, however was caught well by Paul Soggy Saunders, who adjusted well to take the ball after it brushed one of the menacing clouds that hung directly overhead. The ball had been cleverly thick-edged vertically off Magic Michael Harding, unlike the USA’s most recent attempted rocket launch.
Green didn’t seem perturbed, pushing ever onwards with his new partner Williams E. 101 came in the thirteenth over before the number 4 went LBW to Paul Saunders. Finally, Green on a personal best of 66 left in the 20th over LBW to Belfield, but the score was now 148. Another forty runs were added before Flowers also went LBW, but this time to Alex Bertram Basset Van Dyke. Fincher decided he’d had enough fun having made 50 and retired to let some of the others have a go. Saunders suddenly bowling out of the back of his hand had Sagar caught by Wayman for 21. The most bizarre of dismissals came with three overs left and the score up to 217. Saunders flipped one out of his hand and with the ball about a ‘double wide’ on the off, Parker somehow managed to feather the ball even wider still, for Steve the Keeper to take the ball one-handed as far to his right as he could reach. 238 after 30 and that was it.
Tea-time was a quiet affair, with no mention of cheese, beetroot and mustard sandwiches or indeed Ale of the Abbot. Talk of a Bays player becoming a Red Arrows team member after one of their lads had been fired for a little indiscretion faded after a few minutes, to be taken as the usual misreported nonsense that readers have been accustomed to be furnished with. Another heated discussion centred on whether dogs could become members of the Bays Virtual Pipe-Smokers Club. Ridiculous as this may seem, an application has been made by Pugnacious the Pug to join the esteemed members of the VPS Club. Heroic membership currently is a steady 5 – (Steve L, Chris H, Rhys K, Hew K & Steve K). Another discussion engendered the latest historical novel to hit the bookshelves. ‘The Curse of The Dragon Ship’ is now available on Amazon at a very reasonable price or indeed from Steve Liley, who is also distributing the book at a discounted price. Before the players knew it and the game was back on. Ah, but before more is reported, the hedgerows of old Eckers had given up the sumptuous bounty of bulbous blackberries to Bays supporters. Hurrah for that victory at least!
Captain Horner opened the Bays knock and unlike the rest of his team decided to score at a run per ball. Fellow opener Alex Van Dyke went in the fourth over for 7 off 11 with a single four and the score only 16. Horner batted well and only left in the 11th over, after being well run out on 31 off 31 with four 4s. Chris Wayman started reasonably brightly with 9 off his first 16, but the assault on the 238 was starting to look a bit onerous. Steve Pritchard (fine fellow) made a worthy 5 off 14 before being caught by Thorner. Michael Harding made an uncharacteristically 12 off 24 with a brace of fours, before being caught and bowled by Williams. The score was now only 91 off 22 overs, leaving 148 to win off less than 8 overs.
Chris Wayman steadily continued to score, as Liley S (2 off 13) and Curley D (3 off 16) came and went, both bowled Thorner. Paul Saunders came in with 2 balls left needing 65 off each! With a single off his first ball, Chris was left with the impossible task of 139 off the last delivery.
Some half an hour later some five of the team and friends were quaffing at the nearby Hop Pole in old Tewkers. Dashed good A**t Ae (reporting restrictions) t’was too! Others went to the Lansdown in Chelters and others still to other nefarious drinking dens across the county of ‘Glowcestershire!’
Eckington CC 238/7
Thorner A 19, Green J 66, Williams E 22, Flowers L 22, Fincher C 52*, Sagar H 21.
Extras 27
Harding M 5 0 36 2
Saunders P 6 0 42 3
Belfield J 6 0 51 1
Van Dyke A 6 0 33 1
Catches: Van Dyke A 1, Saunders P 1, Wayman C 1, Liley S 1.
Bayshill 109/6
Horner C 31 31 4 0
Wayman C 40* 70 4 0
Harding M 12 24 2 0
Extras 8
Thomas J 5/0/20/1, Williams E 5/0/14/2, Thorner A 5/0/16/2