Colonel Mustard furious at the previous evening’s loss of the shiny Tresco cup is now recovering, after giving himself a terrible thrashing with his silver-tipped ebony walking stick.  Even so, in spite of terrible bruising to the lower legs and the tumultuous storm raging within his cranium, he has as a matter of duty lifted his battered white goose feather to create this next report for your delectation. 

Pith helmets my friends, are an endless source of inspiration and confusion at the same time.  On St. Mary’s, one member of the team received a Nazi salute in response to the Pith!  It seems the general public is more than capable of misunderstanding what the helmet is and indeed which country it hails from.  I am pleased to report that the player involved didn’t reciprocate.  On St Agnes, only slightly more accurately, the same team member was told, ‘There ain’t no chuffing Zulus on Aggie!’  Said player was also asked, ‘Is that an ‘orse’s ‘at?’  Finally, once again the same player (a theme developing here I’m afraid to concede) was asked, ‘You lot in hats, doin’ a play in ‘ere?’  Yes, dear reader, the hats were an undoubted success and there is a rumour (You’re the first to read it here), that next year the hats are to be dusted off and be worn again on the islands.  To that I say, ‘Hurrah!’ 

To the match.  After being dropped at Higher Town, the players dumped heavy cricketing ware and associated paraphernalia at the pavilion, overlooking Pool Green and trudged down the St. Martin’s highway, passing the Bays supporting tortoise called Cecil, in Middle Town, to the Seven Stones for refreshment, banter and more refreshment still.  Time seemed to stand still in this most English of an English afternoon.  The view of the never changing scene of the turquoise sea, that is ever changing in fact, succumbed some time later in the minds of the Bays’ players, to the urgent need to return up the spine of the island in the direction of the red and white Day Mark, for the simple matter of cricket. 

St. Martins were batting before Cecil the tortoise at Middle Town could begin to think about turning around.  Jonathan and J Fails faced the Bays’ opening bowlers, that is, Archbishop Tom Liley and Soggy Paul Saunders, who were to fare somewhat differently.  The match started well enough with Tom bowling a rare maiden (on the islands), raising the Bays’ supporters’ hopes of a thrilling and of course winning encounter.  Three overs later, the score had climbed to 24, with Fails starting to take a liking to some of the bowling he received.   

The Reverend Horner decided to shake things up a little, bringing himself and ‘Wicky’ Steve Liley on, as the bowling change, for the next four overs.  A great first over from Chris yielded just the two runs.  Steve, still bathing in the glory of being top of the tour bowling averages after the first match, managed to clean bowl Jonathan, who had been scoring quite slowly for just eight.   

Fran Stirrup then bowled two overs, with Paul coming back on at the other end.  The batsmen’s eyes seemed to light up, as the ball started disappearing to all parts of the ground and the score climbed rocket-like, by 52 to 102 for 1 off 12. 

Tom Liley and Jamie Liley now replaced Fran and Paul and immediately stymied the rapid scoring.  Tom’s final two overs went for just 4 runs and Jamie’s first two just thirteen.  In addition, Tom clean bowled Derek for a duck and Jamie had Paul on 17, caught behind by Steve Liley standing up.  This completed a double Bayshill record, that of a wicket being taken by three members of the same family in the same match, as well as from three different generations. 

Fran returned to bowl Bob also for a duck before the St. Martin’s innings finished on 163, with Jamie completing his four overs for just thirty, which when contrasted with some of the other Bays’ bowling figures should be applauded. 

Bays innings started well enough with Fran and Chris Horner moving the score to 49 before the former went for 29 off just 15, with two fours and three whopping sixes.  Chris in the meantime had moved to 20 off about the same.  Tom Liley then replaced Fran for a rapid 9 off 9 with two fours.  Toffee Crisp Man, aka Chris Wayman steadied the ship, finishing on 21 off 35.  Horner at the end of the Bays’ innings was 58* off 55 with four 4s and three big sixes. 

Bays were 38 runs shy of the total required and the defeat ensured.  The scoring rate wasn’t up to it in the middle of the innings, with only 9 runs coming off overs 8 to 12, leaving a big hundred needed off the last eight.  With 7 unused batsmen in the pavilion, perhaps the Bays might have flashed the blade a little more to try to reach the total.  Also, some of Bays’ bowling figures had allowed St. Martin’s run score to escalate to possibly 40 runs more than it should or could have been. 

Another defeat and again, the players who weren’t called upon should be applauded for their support and effort.  Martin Van Dyke, Olly Joris and Rory Niblett-Liley all fielded really well and again showed more established players the way to approach the game.  Also, Tom Liley’s four overs for just nine runs and a wicket was a highlight to remember. 

St. Martin’s 163/5 

J Fails 62* ret, O Matthews 52*, Paul 17. 

T Liley 4 1 9 1 

P Saunders 4 0 52 0 

C Horner 2 0 8 0 

S Liley 2 0 17 1 

F Stirrup 4 0 46 1 

J Liley 4 0 30 1 

Catches: Liley S 1  

Bayshill 125/2 

F Stirrup 29 15 2 3 

C Horner 58* 55 4 3 

C Wayman 21* 35 2 0 

Derek 2/0/9/1, Matthews 2/0/3/1