Ivor Hugh J Thurston reports in the absence of Colonel Mustard, who continues his slow recuperation in Lamport Hall High Security Sanatorium. The Colonel issued a statement on his Twatter Account, saying he wanted to be back on duty by the time Her Majesty has gone Platinum.
Poulton’s pitch is beyond doubt a sight to behold. The Chairman commented that from the boundary it looked like a dome. Not quite St. Paul’s Cathedral, but who are we, but mere mortals, who dare to question the sayings or musings of the founding Chairman.
A thirty-five over game was decided by the two captains, both by a quick glance were incredibly similar, in age, gender, demeanour and looks. Nobby using Jedi mind tricks again, once more won the toss and elected to bat, on a day that saw an interesting range of meteorological conditions and ornithological species.
Horner and Pierce, brothers in arms, or rather bats, opened in exactly the same way, acquiring 11 dots each, before bothering the scorer with any runs. Once started though, the runs slowly accumulated on a pitch Nobby seemed more interested in eating than running all over. ‘Spicy bingo-wings’ one viewer commented, but that is a (to continue the food theme) a trifle unfair on a man only a few decades past his prime. So the captain rallied and the runs came forth, well in Nobby’s case Thirth (a new word here – scribble it in the back of your dictionaries forthwith or thirthwith), getting 3 of the perishers and a double thirth, that is of course a six. Horner meanwhile in the almost discernible drizzle, with a Red Kite playing overhead, decided fours to be more sensible, whacking 5 of them. This jolly fun couldn’t last though, with Reeves (Nobby’s opposing captain and nemesis) tying him up, with a plethora of dots and just the odd single. Horner, 37 off 42, at the other end went to Gibson first though, with the score 73, being caught. Six more runs were added before Nobby left on 32 off 52, to join Chris having snicked one to the keeper. The beginning and ending of the captain’s innings, rough roughly (woof woofly) bookended by what seemed two Croatian dogs.
Two new batsmen and two different styles. Steve Pritchard (Senior Government Minister on Education and Razor Blades) looked to want to run every ball for a single, whilst Alex Van Dyke was more akin to his other namesake – Bertram Basset Esq. With the score on 113, Steve was caught and his 22 off 24 came to an end, which included 13 singles. Tom Liley went cheaply, before Fran Stirrup pushed the score along briskly with 13 scoring shots in his 24 deliveries. He then fell bowled by Grace for 32 with 4 fours. All the time Alex played on sensibly with Ajit who joined him near the end, for 7 runs off 7, before the 35 overs were up and he (Alex) was 6 short of his half century off 46 balls, with 4 fours.
Tea was a sensible affair. Abbot Ale and cheese and beetroot sandwiches with mustard to boot. (And coarse grained black pepper) The weather now looked to go cold, hot, dry and wet. And then the game was back on. Also, no sign of Tina the Tortoise!
Ajit opened the bowling with a tidy spell of four overs yielding just the seven runs and importantly removing Skinner for a duck. Reeves his replacement, played assuredly, glancing one into the keeper’s ribcage and scoring 11, before being bowled by Saunders with the score up to 34. Twelve overs had gone now and Poulton were already falling behind with the run rate. Tom Liley then showed how to bowl in such a match, with great accuracy and sportsmanship. Three overs, no runs and two wickets. Tom spurned the hat-trick he was on, by bowling slower to the new young batsman – well done Tom for understanding the perspective of the situation.
Runs were slowly but surely drying up and with 83 on the board off 21 overs with 5 wickets down, Poulton looked sunk. Colin Harding then took 2 wickets off 4 overs for just the 8 runs. Pritchard and then Pierce wrapped up the innings with a wicket apiece.
Good catching by the Bays today, Horner one, Saunders one, Singh one and Pierce two. There could have been three or possibly four more. Those who dropped them won’t be mentioned here – cheques and postal orders of at least 25 Bitcoin, sent to Lamport Hall can ensure this. Er hum.
Most importantly, a green woodpecker was spotted by a Bays’s supporter.
Cricketing for the Layman:
1 run = a little stroll or saunter, 2 runs = a bit more of a saunter but a 180 degree uturn as well, 3 runs = a silly thing to do, 4 runs = a lusty blow, 5 runs = a little stroll and saunter and a mad piece of fielding, 6 runs = a mighty blow hopefully breaking something over the boundary to make it memorable.
Bayshill CC 199/5
Pierce A 32/52/1/1
Horner C 37/47/5/0
Pritchard S 22/24/1/0
Van Dyke A 44/46/4/0
Stirrup F 32/24/4/0
Reeves 3/2/1/1
Poulton CC 91/10
Chamberlain 32, Jupp 13, Reeves 11
Liley T 3/3/0/2
Harding C 4/1/8/2
Catches: Horner 1, Singh 1, Saunders 1, Pierce 2.