The Colonel, of the Mustard variety no less, was staying in the elaborately decorated Egyptian House in Penzance, just down the road from his rather bibulous and unusual third cousin removed, the highly esteemed Admiral Benbow. Where he’d been removed from, still confused old Mustard, but then many things, most of little consequence had always had very similar effects on the contents of the Colonel’s crammed cranium. Why the Egyptian House, I hear you cry? The answer is, fairly simple comparatively speaking, in that the Bays’ scribe is an avid collector of scarabs from the ancient Egyptian dynasties. Please don’t enquire further (See Alex Van Dyke), as this cricket report may turn into something else altogether, if it hasn’t already.
The Admiral in full naval attire, with his splendid bicorne hat, lives in the piratical inn bearing his name. High up upon the ridge tiles of his licensed roof, for all to espy, lies an uncomfortable looking gunman, who has been sternly instructed to take out any blasted buccaneers, one-legged parrots or was it pirates or indeed anyone dubious enough to look as though they may have had a black spot pressed into one if their unsuspecting sweaty palms.
Old Benbers takes the security of all his guests with a stern mindset, especially that of his tweed-clad, pince-nezed cousin, who for some bizarre reason some years before, had been appointed to the heady position from which he was supposed to relate all the events pertaining to the mighty Bays Cricket club’s tour. It was for this reason, that the Admiral had smuggled Mustard aboard the Scillonian III at some untimely hour, dressed as a fez-bedecked Moroccan on shore leave. There was no due pomp and ceremony for our colonel, no sign of any piping aboard, not the slightest of hornpipes, no half-hearted splicing of the mainbrace, no raising of the Blue Peter, basically nothing at all, to the great disdain of our reporter, but there was however, more than a little umbrage on his part. With this tincture or briefest of introductions completed, this journalistic organ of little to no repute, hands over to the Colonel to elucidate in his egregious way, on the goings on as they happened, warts and all, in the ‘Scilly Tour of 24’…
Bayshill’s most recent Engagement overseas!
When I say, ‘I’ve never liked the expression, “The Wolf at the Door,” I jolly well mean it now! I am more than a tad perturbed I have to say, nay discombobulated after the heinous goings on in the past few months; the phrase truly sticks full well, in my gaping craw. In a brazened and unnecessary publicity stunt, to curry favour with the islanders, the kiddywinkies populating the ‘Fortunate Isles’ as they have come to be known, (isles not kiddies – be serious now!) were invited to take part in a competition to name a shiny new yellow and black ferry that was to start in direct competition with Scillonian III. Yellow and black are frequently used in signage and in the natural world to indicate danger of some description – nuclear emissions, wasps, trip hazards, lack of Abbot Ale etc. Now, where was I?
Ah yes, I remember now, the mythical yellow and black humbugged ferry to Scilly and its childish name. Harland &Wolff have kept us all in the dark, a darkness in fact as bleak as night, regarding the perishing thing’s launch, but it did have a name at least by now. ‘The Atlantic Wolff’ with two Fs was this great mythological beast’s moniker, bequeathed by some remote seafarer’s innocent wide-eyed, offspring. Well, I can tell you that I used more than a couple of Fs myself, when I heard that the feted catamaran had been shelved permanently. H&W, most famous for the four-funnelled Titanic, has now amassed further fame from the invisible Atlantic Wolff. At least the former vessel managed to steam out of port, even if it didn’t manage to get back in again. But fear not, all is not lost my dear rum-soaked hearties, for John Wood (recently dismissed) in the same sort of way Captain Smith was from The Titanic, had promised, before being forced to walk his company’s metaphorical plank, to provide Old Mustard here with a free ticket, no Charon obols required here, when the ferry starts operating… Bowlegged, hornpiping, sea-shantying, chandler-swindling, salty sea-dogs, the whole scurvy diseased crew of ‘em. Not that I’m going to show I’m upset or irritated in any way, by any of these piffling trifles of course.
This year’s Scilly tour if you didn’t know was the 32nd of the 39 long years it’s been running. This means next years will be a third of a century’s worth of tours and indeed the 40th anniversary since its inception by the Right Honourable Chairman. In Latin numerals dear reader, it will the XL tour – Let’s see if the club and its players, supporters, families can make sure that we make it the Extra Large tour it deserves to be!
The Tour order to prevent confusion and any obfuscation:
Thursday 25th July V Tresco – postponed / poor weather, Friday 26th V St. Mary’s (Martins’s rearranged to Saturday), Saturday 27th St. Martin’s (St. Mary’s rearranged to Friday), Sunday 28th St. Agnes, Monday 29th V Tresco (rearranged from Thursday) Friday 26th July V St. Mary’s
Frantastic!
The first game of the tour began a day later than usual starting in the early evening. Bayshill won the spin of the groat and decided to put the St. Mary’s team into bat on a pitch that over the years has produced scores usually between 80 and 120.
Jamie Liley and Fran Stirrup started the bowling for the Bays high up on the Garrison, with a team made up of regular Bays players, some irregulars and the occasional or yearly player. Jamie and the St. Mary’s team seemed in a hurry, Jamie removing Paddy for a duck, clean bowled with St. Mary’s taking ten off the first over. Fran also went for ten, as the attacking intent of the home team seemed openly stated. Jamie bowled a tight second over for just 4, but then Al and James whacked 15 off Fran, to take the score up to 39.
Paul Saunders and Tom Liley took over the bowling duties in the sixth over, with the score still climbing. Paul went for 9 and seven in his first two, taking Al’s wicket for 22, clean bowled, with Tom going for a stingy 7 and two, but also bowling the dangerous James, who was already on 79. Tom, St. Mary’s 4th bat was well run out by Jamie Liley. Before Steve Liley stumped Ollie (St. Mary’s no 6) for a duck off Fran Stirrup.
St. Mary’s bludgeoned anything loose or wide and even had a ‘good go’ at the guest bowlers at the end. Bay’s Belgium Ollie or to his team mates ‘Le Belge’ or ‘Le Bulge’ managed an eighteen ball over, with lots of pointing, which on reflection the umpire could have reduced appropriately. However, the unusual one-step ‘run-up’ if such a thing exists, with more pointing than a brickie on a good day, heralded Trev’s exit for 18, with a good catch being pouched by Tom Liley. St. Mary’s posted 166/6 off their twenty.
This was always going to be a tall order for the Bays, especially when Scott Carpenter Bays guest player on debut was removed, bowled by May. Chris Weyman steadied the good ship Bayshill with Tom Liley at the other end striking cleanly from the beginning. Weyman took singles and dotted until on seven, before hitting two well-timed fours. Tom in contrast hit mainly twos and fours before being bowled by Raife on 21 off 19, with three well hit fours. Seven overs had somehow disappeared into the ether and the not so mighty Bays were staring into a void of despair, without seemingly the chance of a glacier in the modern world.
Fran Stirrup isn’t a man to mess around when playing cricket, especially with a lump of willow grasped in his palm. Starting modestly at first, Fran helped the score ascend upwards to 63 before his partner Chris W was adjudged LBW to Trev. Weyman departed on 21 off 36 with two fours. Importantly, the number of overs used was already 13. Fran was on 17 by now off 14 with three fours to his name. Alex Van Dyke Bayshill’s very own specialist coleopterologist, a position he takes with great enthusiasm, was now at the other end to Fran and looking ‘to make the Bays great again’.
39 balls were left to make 104 runs. Time to shut up the shop and turn the lights off would have been the mantra of many cricketers, even in days of fizz-bang cricket, where the ‘100’ is trying to muscle in on the game with a luke-warm reception at best. Fran is not one of these lick-spittle wretches, but a cricketer who sees possibilities; where these may lurk is unseen to most others. His next 21 balls received, produced a blistering 63 runs, pushing St. Mary’s into the mindset that they might have ‘blown it!’ Alex supported Fran in his blitzkrieg with 16 off 21 including 2 fours. Within Fran’s innings were six consecutive boundaries with a six somewhere in the middle. At the end the Bays (or to be more accurate Fran) were just 16 runs short. Fran finished with 80 not out off 35 – 11 fours and 3 sixes.
St. Mary’s 166/6
Al 22, James 79
J Liley 4/0/31/1, F Stirrup 4/0/41/1, P Saunders 4/0/27/1, T Liley 4/0/15/1, A Van Dyke 2/0/23/0, E Saunders 1/0/13/0, O Joris 1/0/18/1
Catches T Liley 1, S Liley 1, Run Outs J Liley 1.
Bayshill 150/3
C Weyman 21/36/2/0, T Liley 20/19/3/0, F Stirrup 80*/35/11/3, A Van Dyke 16/21/2/0
Saturday 27th July 2024 v St. Martin’s
Bays’ St. Martin’s Engagement
The team was all shook up I hasten to add and thoroughly delighted after hearing that Tom Liley had just become engaged to the delightful Abbie Merton on Great Bay, the far side of St. Martin’s. Naturally, Tom was made captain for the day in the match against St. Martin’s. The Bays were put into bat by their hosts and it didn’t take very long for the game to start to unwind.
Tom and Jamie Liley opened the batting, but St. Martin’s sadly hadn’t read the script. The first over went for a maiden and in the second, Jamie was caught behind for a quacker. Fran the hero of yesterday joined Tom, but he was caught in the third over for just 3 off Woodhead’s bowling. Tom fell late in the fifth over for 5 with a single 4, meaning Alex Van Dyke and Steve Liley were already in. The next wicket to fall was Steve L’s in the 8th over with the score just 15. Alex and Chris Weyman had a partnership of 29, before Alex left on 20, bowled Marshall.
Saunders was caught for 1, before Adrian Liley finished Bays batting with Chris W. a partnership of 27 saw the total climb to just 73. Weyman was 17 not out off 43 with one four and Liley unbeaten on six off 25.
St. Martins polished off Bays’ score rather quickly, amassing the required amount in just over 11 overs. Boxall and Marshall being 35 and 27 unbeaten respectively. Bays bowlers did their best to make a game of it, but 73 isn’t really defensible and defendable.
Bayshill 73/6
A Van Dyke 20/31/2/1, Weyman 17/43/1/0
Woodhead 2/10, Marshall 2/11
St. Martin’s 74/0
Boxall 35*, Marshall 27*
Sunday 28th July 2024 v St. Agnes
Not Again!
The game on St. Agnes has in recent years taken on the mantle of the game where players get injured. Sadly, this was to be the case again today, but whereas usually it is one player who is struck down, today it happened to be two.
Steve Liley captaining today won the argument and agreed with St. Agnes that they needed to bat. St. Agnes know their small ground as well as any can, showing this by using the lofted route on as many as nine occasions. Solly Hicke was first to go though, bowled by Alex Van Dyke for 17. Tom had the dangerous Eberlain caught and bowled for 24 off just 11, including three 6s. The next three batsmen all retired with each going for different amounts. Stewart who scored most was 54 not out with three 6s and six 4s off just 30.
Stirrup drew Kent forward to be stumped by Steve Liley for 5. Fran then ran out Inigo Hicks for 7. Belgium cricketing expert Ollie or Olly or Le Belge or Le Bulge then got out the pointing before having A Hicks caught well by Alex Van Dyke. 206 for 5, leaving the Bays a reasonable mountain to climb.
As there were no volunteers to open, Steve decided it only fair to put himself in with Chris Weyman and see what happens. A slow start followed, with 44 coming off the first 8 overs. Weyman was first to go, bowled by Ed for 12 off 14 with 2 fours. Fran joined his youthful captain and took on a bit sound advice, before the two put on 46 in the next six overs, leaving the game nicely balanced. Liley was on 30 off 46 with three fours and one beautifully crafted maximum (one nearer his century in sixes!), whilst Fran not be outscored had 31 off 20 with 5 fours and a mighty six of his own!
At this point, Fran hit a ball upwards and indeed a bit more upwards. Two of St. Martin’s fielders running at full pelt collided and that sadly was that. Sam and Inigo Hicks both apparently knocked out were duly cared for by Rachael Liley and Bronwen Saunders amongst others, before the first responder arrived. Both are now well, with Inigo having been air-lifted to the mainland for treatment.
St. Martin’s young wicketkeeping captain for the day suggested a restart, but there was no desire in either team for such a way forward. 115 needed off 10 was the position of play, but this mattered little compared to the welfare of those injured. The Bays wish both Sam and Inigo well!
St. Agnes 206/5
Eberlain 24, Stewart 54*, Slater 30*
A Van Dyke 3/0/33/1, T Liley 3/0/11/1, Stirrup 5/0/32/2, O Joris 1/0/13/1
Catches T Liley 1, Saunders 1. Stumpings S Liley 1. Run Outs Stirrup 1.
Monday 29th July 2024 v Tresco
It’s Coming Home!
In an eighteen over match, it was agreed that Tresco would bat. Bays got off to the best possible start, removing opener Hiscock for a duck, caight behing Steve Liley off Tom Liley his recently engaged son. Paul Saunders at the other end suggested to the keeper he go back in case of a snick – next ball the snick! Steve Liley gratefully accepted the ball and Self the other opener was on his way. Macintosh then went for seven this time bowled Liley T and caught by Saunders. Gibbs and Hales then rebuilt for Tresco, moving the score from 12 to 106, before Stirrup had Gibbs on 45 stumped by Steve Liley. Jamie Liley then caught and bowled Algy Dorrien-smith, before Tresco concluded their knock on 115.
Steve Liley trying to replicate his knock of the day before opened with Alex Van Dyke. However, after just five singles (all beautifully executed in the writer’s humble opinion), he departed with the score on 24. Fran Stirrup wanted to carry on from St. Mary’s and indeed St. Agnes and with Alex, did just that. With 13 overs gone and the score on 78, the Bays needed 47 off the last 5.
Fran and Alex made it look easy in the end, bludgeoning the ball around with gay (in the old sense) abandon. Alex finished on 57* off 43 with five 4s and two 6s, whilst Fran concluded on 59* off 39 with three 4s and four whopping sixes. A great way to finish the tour and bring the Charles and Gisela Liley Memorial Cup back to old Chelters where it rightly belongs. Come on the Bays!
Tresco 125/6
Gibbs 45, Hales 46.
Liley T 3/0/12/2, Saunders 4/0/18/1, Stirrip 4/0/27/1, J Liley 3/0/19/2
Catches Liley S 2, Saunders 1, Stirrup 1, Liley J 1, Stumpings Liley S 1
Bayshill 126/1
A Van Dyke 57*/43/5/2, Stirrup 59*/39/3/4
And so the tour finished…
Others goings on occurred as they always do, but the main feeling was one of great fun and behind this thought, when can we all do this again?