Ivor Thurston (roving reporter) returns to bring a little joy to followers of the mighty Bays with a look at Cowley v Bayshill.
Cricket is all about what might have been. The if onlys, the buts and of course the, ‘that umpires.’
Well my reader, today the Bays should have taken to the gramineae baise of the Cowley hill. But, (there’s the first one) we didn’t. If (the first of those now) we’d had a full team, we might well have been celebrating tonight. (Not to say we won’t be, if (there’s another) the Footie team pull it off*). *see Nobby
The ground of Cowley is a wonderful haven for wildlife and its little tumble down pavilion almost a metaphor for post imperial Britain. The dangerously caving-in tiled roof, the Victorian iron work of the fold-out shutters and the antediluvian lavatories – they all scream Britain at its fine eccentric best!
This construction is a veritable time capsule of our country, when there was no need for The Campaign for Real Ale – as all beer (not ale**) was ‘real.’
** Ale is beer made with no hops – and hasn’t been made in this country since medieval times, so their famous title is hopelessly wrong. There is thankfully some room for leniency for their organisation, as they call their bible, The Good Beer Guide.
The game (remember this is a cricket report) won’t be taking place – a bit like the non-running trains of the sixties. It’s almost perversely satisfying in its own bizarre way. The ‘I told you so’, I knew it wouldn’t happen ‘feeling’ of smug self-congratulation at being right is unfathomable.
So to the game.
Nobby would have won the toss. How could we argue with that! So the Bays would have batted and made 189, hoping, having started well, to post 230 or thereabouts.
In reply, Cowley would have surprised the Bays and made a sound start on their own ground reaching 47 in the first eight overs for the loss of just the one opener. At this point a grey heron might well have flown over the outfield, looking from a distance almost pterosaur like.
After this untimely hiatus, a Bays bowler took an unlikely hat-trick and the game started to run away from Cowley. The home team eventually would have been all out for 114, allowing those who would have been there a few pints in the Green Dragon.
So a virtual win and a few virtual pints. At least the Virtual Pipe Smokers of the club would have been at home – even though they would have been away!
A spokesman standing on the rainy pavement outside Bayshill House asked about the game that didn’t happen said, ‘You’re as daft as a mahogany frying pan! Statement concluded.’
