Match report by Ivor Thurston
Bayshill won the toss (Nobby again) and we’re batting before you could sing, ‘I am the Walrus!’.
After 26 balls and 22 runs the Bays lost their first wicket – Chrissos (recently disengaged) for 7 left the crease to get into his hot pants. Nobby (recently disengaged as well) fell for 12 just 9 balls later. Rhys (engaged) reprised his Tresco role and made a blistering 40 with some swashbuckling batting. A Van Dyke made a breezy 19 and Tom Liley just 6 before being caught. Wicket keeper Steve ((vp no.1) made a quality 5 off 6 and finishing batting with Jamie, who made 3 from 6, with a great two turned round the corner.
Bays made 104 in their 20. A shrieking gull then deposited a full load on the wicket showing it’s thoughts on the variable bounce.
Bays were always going to be pushed. Paul Saunders injured the previous day during wild celebrations was unavailable and therefore we were a bowler light. Tom and Nobby did their best though and returned remarkable figures of Tom 2 for 3 and Nobby 3 for 17. Blakey fell for 37 to Kreuchen. An unhelpful shout from the pavilion leapt across the outfield bus like. ‘I ate you Blakey!’
Steve Liley stumped Travers for 2 off Pierce who bowled an uncharacteristic wide one. Horner caught White in the gully and then James was caught behind by Liley (S) – wonderful – I hear you cry! Kreuchen took 2 for 21. All to no avail though as St Martin’s ran out winners and it was over with 2 and a half overs to spare.
The Bays limped off to the raffle, the barbecue and Chris’s unsavoury pants. (Chris is to be commended for drinking red wine in the sea before the game – trying to lure Wally in we think). 10 people had lifts to the quay whilst the rest trudged the half hour back, along the busy St Martin’s highway.
Bayshill 104/7
Kreuchen R 40/28 2&2
Oli 3/016/2
St Martin’s 105/7
Blakey 37
Max 23*
Liley T 3/03/2
Pierce 4:0/19/3
Kreuchen R 4/0/21/2
Sub 1 catch, Horner 1, Liley S 1 & 1 stmp.
Corporal Punishment reporting from his secure weekend retreat at Broadmoor High Security bedroom No. 666
‘Thrash the bastards, thrash them, thrash them all!’
Off the press – the latest (Reuters)
Horner snaps it off!
Virtual Pipe Smoker no. 2 shocked the world by breaking off his engagement to fellow opener Nobbie the Nobster. Speaking in hushed tones, leaning on his bat, he said and I quote verbatim. ‘I’ve had enough of him and that’s that. The final straw was him wanting his ring back. Once I’d seen it, I thought it was mine for good, but now it’s gone’
Wearing his battered brown hat and rather uncharacteristically, he remarked that there were other fishes in the sea. Very profound from a fisherman of the highest repute.
Nobby with a spring in his step said he’d never felt better and was looking forward to opening with anyone who’d have him. Spiffing stuff.
David Hat in Borough reports on the latest Scilly wildlife.
(Must be read in a whispered voice)
The walrus is a large insect from the tropical regions of sun-equatorial Wales. It’s diet is mainly bananas, but it has been known to eat Twiglets, treacle and on occasion peppermint creams. It’s a bottom feeder, but the less said about that the better.
It has two large fangs, which it occasionally uses vampire like on large squid, Kreuchens and sea serpents. They will answer to name Willy, Welly or Wally but never Wully. Often seen in large groups underneath clouds of Choughs, they can be aggressive, so don’t ever approach them unless armed with an industrial harpoon or a bag of cheesy puffs.
Of course the Chough (Cornish) variety is a remarkable beast itself. There is a dead one stuffed in The Dock Inn in Penzance which hasn’t moved for years, but sadly it’s stuffing was done badly as there is no walrus below it rendering the work irrelevant. Do not confuse the Cornish one with the Alpine one which has a yellow carrot like beak, or schnozzer to use the correct anatomical word.
We’ll done if you’ve spotted a walrus on Scilly. By next year there’ll probably be hundreds of them.
This report was based on facts gleaned from Wikipedia and verified by Bayshill’s chairman, Peter (walrus whisperer)
Some facts have been changed to protect members of general public.