Hardly cricket that Harding Old Boy! • Bayshill Cricket Club

This cricketing report and associated nonsense is constructed 100% by the hand, courtesy of the little grey cells of none other than a certain Colonel Mustard. Readers are reminded or possibly warned, that in an age, where some people of a more delicate persuasion can and often take offence or indeed perchance frisson, at the slightest hint of controversy, to take all musings with a degree of caution.

Now that the cricketing season is all but wrapped up and the autumnal leaves of the Horse Chestnut Tree (Aestulus Hippocastanum) are turning various russet shades and inevitably thinking about falling off, to fill and block the council neglected drains, cricketers turn their various minds to other things to fill their days. Some think of kicking a bladder around, that is the proletariat game of soccer or football, others turn to the fine delights of the Cheltenham indoor cricket league, some also bemoan (some celebrate!) the end of the Skittles Summer League, others still consider the changing of the seasons and onset of the darkness earlier each evening, whilst those interested in our little feathered friends look out for the signs of avian migration and of course there are always those of reduced, dare I say limited capacity, who merely settle into their armchairs and wile away their time gazing wide-eyed at the television (probably football) or even worse, at the screen of some violent at the same time, appalling, brain-shrinking computer game. As you can see, I have very few strong feelings regarding the extra-cricketular activities of the Bays’ players.

‘What about cricket?’ I hear you cry. Well the annual tour of The Isles of Scilly is already arranged and for those interested, it is to take place on the corresponding week to this year, that is Wednesday, 19th- 26th July. The games will take place on Thursday 20th (Tresco), Friday 21st (St. Martin’s), Saturday 22nd (St. Agnes) & Sunday 23rd (St. Mary’s). It is hoped that even more, enthusiastic, pith-helmeted Bayshill players, will make the annual pilgrimage to the islands, to see what this well-oiled tradition is all about. 1985 was the year when it all started and hopefully the club can carry on the fine and worthy tradition for a good while yet.

Monocles are a serious business, as indeed are pince nez, not that I’ve ever pince nezed myself. However, eye patches are a completely different eye ball game altogether. The question I pose to you, the reader is where would you expect to see one of these blighters? Long John Silver and friends might have a word on the topic, but what about seeing one at a cricket match? Well they are now a fashion item to be worn by all, at 40X matches, or even T20s. I jest not! The chairman, yes the chairman was snapped sporting a natty Jolly Rodgered version and was heard to say, ‘It’s like a blinking horse’s blinker!’ At the next match all players and supporters are encouraged to join the latest craze or fashion if you like. If you have a horse, you could bring that along too, only if its blinkered up though as it were.

Now Sunday at half past one in the afternoon, Bayshill took to the field of Cheltenham Civil Service Cricket Club (CCSCC) to play out a 40 over match in the late summer heat and for some reason all covering cloud (at times). Norbert the Nobby Nobster el Capuchinno of the first order of merit, won the toss and strangely, yes strangely, chose to bat. (I hope you noticed the tiny touch of irony there)

Said Nobster and VP Number 2 that is Mr Horner (Ex capuchinno and purple sequinned jacket wearer) opened for the Bays. 8 overs and five balls later the relationship was over and the Nobster was gone for 35 off 32, with seven fours. Chrissos, had been content to watch the Nobster do all the scoring, using his bat as a walking aid instead of batting implement. Nobby was indeed on 29 before Chris decided to join the fun. The score was 54.

Next in was Steve Pritchard (head teacher and very serious professional man with no time for nonsense or exclusions). Steve set about the attack akin to a marker decimating an ‘O’ Level Latin paper completed by one of his less able pupils. Cutting, slashing, whacking and all sorts of other shots delivered, that defy any description in the English language. ‘Old Pritchers’, as he has become known to the more able cricketing members of his family and indeed near family had raced to 50 not out. But before, his innings is described, the writer has to include Chris’s departure, which happened first in the sixteenth over. Chris made 22 off 38 with 2 fours, and the score up to 91. Now back to ‘Old Pritchers’ – he hit six fours and two whopping sixes. Imagine him dear reader, delivering six of the best! Corporal Punishment, my elderly neighbour agrees with me wholeheartedly.

Toffee Crisp Wayman replaced the pedagogue, but alas for only 7 runs off 12 with a four, being bowled, trying to put the ball into central Cheltenham. This was a trifle ambitious to say the least, the centre sitting a good two miles away. Alex Van Dyke, back from injury, batted sensibly, making about a run per ball. It looked like his goose may well have been cooked, when specialist fielder Colin Harding nearly took a blinder. Colin, who had already run Alex out in an earlier game seemed to be at it again, before he spilled the chance to Alex’s huge relief. AJ was now at the other end, also striking at around 100%. He was caught by Hogan though for 21 off 24 with three fours with the score up to 172 in the 28th over.

Steve Keeper Liley joined Alex and they put on 41, before Alex (37 off 36 with 5 fours) finally went bowled by a Pope, that is bowled by A Pope, the score now 213. Michael Harding faced just three, before being cruelly, but very well caught by substitute fielder C Harding, his pater. Some would say this was unacceptable, but the scorebook doesn’t lie!

Liley shocked at the behaviour of C Harding only made 4 more before he too went, for 20 off 33 with four beautifully crafted Chippendale fours. The score was now 217 and we were into the 37th over. Tom Liley batting way down the order, thumped 14 off 8 with two fours, whilst Guthrie also way down, made three off 3 to conclude the innings. 237 for 8 off the forty, Pope and Hogan being the heroes or stand out bowlers for CCSCC.

In the sunshine and shade the players ate and quaffed before resuming play. The Bays innings had taken nearly three hours. Some would say that 40 overs this late in the season was as near to lunacy as a selenographer’s map. Once again, due to reporting restrictions, there is no mention of Abbot Ale here for you to read about. There were a few dispatched I can report, though. (Is that allowed?)

Now with the prospect that the match may go into a second day, the CCSCC took to the field to make an assault on the 237 set by the Bays.

Things began well for the home side, who raced to 29 off the first three overs. However, in a cruel twist of fate for the opener G Baker (now on 32), Michael Harding deflected the ball back onto the stumps of his end whilst bowling and then fielding, to run out the stranded number one. Michael was at it again exactly four overs later to have Hambling LBW for 6 and the score up to 51. Again, four overs or so later, Michael had C Isaac bowled for 9.

Angus Guthrie replaced Alex Harding who had bowled six overs for just 30. Michael finished his spell with 2 for 47 off 8 and was also replaced by Tom Liley. Between them the next sixteen overs or so went for about 70, but importantly, 5 wickets had fallen. Angus finished with 1 for 39 with Tom the best of the bowlers today with 4 for just 30. Tom had two catches off his bowling, Steve Liley and Michael Harding doing the business and a bowled and an LBW. The score was 168 off 31. Unexpectedly, Steve Pritchard decided he’d had enough and left the field of play, to go and drink in The Wheatsheaf. A bystander commented that Mr. Pritchard had said, ‘I’ve had my fun already, so I’m off!’ A Bayshill spokesman could neither confirm or deny this quotation. (After the match concluded Angus Guthrie stopped Mr Pritchard falling into debt with the club by paying said Pritchard’s match fee – good to see at least one gentleman on the field)

Van Dyke A, Pierce A & AJ Machi completed the bowling to wrap up the game, but not before it looked as though there might be a nasty twist if CCSCC made the runs at the very end. Hogan was bowled for 35 by the captain Nobster and the game was done!

Bayshill CC v CCSCC

Bayshill CC 237/8

Pierce A 35 32 7 0

Horner C 22 38 2 0

Pritchard S 50* 32 6 2

Van Dyke A 37 36 5 0

AJ Machi 21 24 3 0

Liley S 20 33 4 0

Liley T 14* 8 2 0

Extras 27

Pope A 6/1/20/2, Hogan 8/1/39/2

CCSCC 212/9