Colonel Mustard reports on Bushley CC v Bayshill CC; the last game of Bayshill’s 2021 season – the 28th game played and by a strange coincidence, almost the same number as Mustard’s age.
When all that has to be said and all that has to be done has, you know that the season has finally been gift-wrapped with a flamboyant daffodil yellow bow and dispatched forthwith to ‘The Annals, Mustard House, Bayshill Road, Cheltenhamshire, CH00 7NO.’ The writer records this with his finest goose quill and specially formulated sepia-coloured squid ink.
The great and glorious Dick Seaman was also dispatched like this season, but in his case many, many years before his time was up (1939). Now I already hear the unwarranted rumblings of discontent at Seaman’s inclusion here, and piercing unedifying cries of, ‘Who’s this Dick anyway?’ – Well, I pause here and contemplate that wholly uncalled for question. Yes, I can and will make use of a caesura if I have a care to. Now, I hope that you, weren’t referring to me dear reader.
Well yes, Dick Seaman as far as I know was not a cricketer or even cricketing enthusiast. So why then is he inveigling this report? (I hear you ask somewhat brusquely) It is quite simple really and involves nothing but geography or more accurately proximity to the cricket field that is Bushley CC’s home ground. A marvel in its own way, the ground is surrounded by mature oak, beech, horse-chestnut and many other regal trees besides, and it sits right next to the little used road that leads up to Pull Court. In fact the road is so close to the stumps, that the scorers and the pavilion itself are simply on the ‘wrong side’ of it.
Now, back to the match report. Well, not quite. Young Dick’s parents purchased the said Pull Court mansion with its expansive grounds which included a veritably palatial ice-house and it seemed that one day he would inherit the lot and live happily ever after. Well, his penchant for racing cars, his highly dubious political leanings and ultimately his untimely death precluded him from ever becoming ‘The Lord of the Manor’ as it were.
Stirling Moss and Lewis Hamilton acknowledged the fact that our Dick, if I may call him that, was the first real Grand Prix driver from this country and as such they marvelled at his triumphs, overlooking other less savoury attributes of his life. Racing for Mercedes-Benz (his mother strongly disapproved of this), he was a firm favourite in pre-war Germany and indeed met Edward VIII on a sojourn to the Nazi state. He somewhat ‘bettered’ this a year later in 1939, meeting the Fuhrer himself at the Berlin Motor Show. He died the same year on lap 22 of the Belgian Grand Prix. Adolf Hitler was most upset at the loss of his favourite English driver, (who won the1938 German Grand Prix and controversially gave the Nazi salute following his victory) and consequently sent the biggest wreath of condolence to his funeral.
So when a British Racing Green MG TD car drives past the cricket at the match between Bushley and Bayshill today, on this quintessentially English scene somewhere in the middle of England at tea-time, just imagine a slightly louder engine, a bit of raucous back-firing and the wicked glint of Dick’s goggles as it races past. No dear reader I’m not making it up, the aid car did race past and if you doubt me, then just ask our Chairman. Was this Dick’s second coming? I doubt it…probably some overpaid Johnnie in his plus fours off to soe pheasant shoot. In 1938 though, it may well have been Dick, racing wildly to the love of his life, Erica Popp. Would he have noticed if Bayshill had been playing that day or today? A silly question, as I’m sure we’d all agree. But, we know full well, he’d have stopped and strapped on pads for the mighty Bays without a second thought. He’d have had to go in at between number eight and eleven though, because even in those days a big name wouldn’t necessarily have been elevated up the batting order. Not a case of DNF (did not finish), but DNB (did not bat).
Now, to today’s game without further prevarication, distraction or anything else that ends with the four letters …tion.
Bayshill won the toss on a cloud heavy sky and Nobert Nobby Nobster decided to field in this 35 over battle of the Bs. And so it was that that the Bays bowlers contained and then released the beast of Bushley, that is their batting and the game turned. It looked as though the Bays had a handle on the runs that were being leaked from the Bays attack, but as the wickets fell, the run rate climbed and Bushley moved from mere hangers on to smarty pants territory. Michael Harding bowled well for 27 off 7 for 2 wickets and Paul Saunders was unlucky with 17 off 4. Tom Liley took 2 for 30 off 4, being taken off after 2 in his last over, not to return. Rod MacLoed also took 2 for 20 off 5 and young Alex Harding one for 23 off 4. Charlie Worral bowled well and was unlucky to return figures of one for 41 off 6 and Nobby 5 overs for 50 (with 5 dropped catches, which he didn’t seem too upset by apart from about half an hour’s hand wringing – the names of those who dropped the catches are not included here due to the payment of heavy bribes, free alcohol and promises that will never be fulfilled). Nobby took two splendid catches (sorry about the fawning), the first leaping like a mature North Atlantic Salmon to his right, to take a single handed jobbie. The second, making up a great distance (possibly 95 metres) to snaffle a high one (600 feet). Worral also took a skier (6000 feet), Michael a sharp one (razor sharp) and Chrissos Horner VPNo2 a fast one (706mph) after a bit of juggling. Hurrah for that!
Griffiths made 36, Evans 23, Hulls 66 and Yardley 42 not out. The Bays had basically let a good start slip away from them. But then that’s what sport is all about.
So to the batting. Bays opening bat Mr Chris Horner, got the team off to a flyer. Leading form the front, the side and the back at the same time, he shot to 49 with 6 fours and three sumptous sixes. He’s a damn fine bally cricketer if I may say so. Charlie Worral and aforementioned Chris put on 44 for the first wicket. Captain Pierce joined Chris shortly after Alex VD fell without scoring (most unfair – and almost unsporting). Nobby went on to make 78 before falling to a stumping. However, before he went, Tom Liley made 21 off just 14 with three fours and a big six. The score now 128, the win looking improbable. Steve VPN1 joined the Nobster and with Nobby taking the lead pushed the score to184 after 31.4 overs. He went for 16 off 18 and a fifth wicket partnership of 56 with Nobby. Michael Harding made a quick six, but the game was up when Nobby went.
The Bayshill supporters made their presence felt with Mexican waves, rousing renditions of Sweet Caroline and various other shows of support. When the last wicket fell the players, friends, supporters, goblins, gnomes and other various spirits descended on the pavilion for a quick snifter to show that the game was played in the right spirit for the majority of the time. Only a couple of minor blips which won’t be mentioned here because the game was good and the atmosphere excellent. Well done to Bushley on their win – we look forward to next year.
Post post match drinks were fired down at The Hop Pole, where a surprising number of Bays players supped beer, chomped chips and generally enjoyed the post match banter. Well done to one and all.
So…
When the day is done and the ball has spun in the umpire’s pocket away
And all remains in the groundsman’s pains for the rest of the time and a day
There’ll be one mad dog and his master, pushing for four with the spin
On a dusty pitch with two pounds six of willow wood in the sun…
(Thank you Roy Harper) – When An Old Cricketer Leaves The Crease So Colonel Mustard signs off for the season. (There is a short story concerning Ivor Thurston’s untimely disappearance that may grace this web site before the new season starts, but then again who knows…)
Bushley 221/8
Griffiths 36
Evans 23
Hulls 66
Yardley 42*
Harding M 7/1/27/2
Liley T 4/0/30/2
MacLoed R 5/0/20/2
Harding A 4/1/23/1
Worral C 6/0/41/1
Pierce 2 catches, Worral 1, Harding M 1, Horner 1
Bayshill 203/10
Horner C 49/58 6&3
Pierce A 78/71 6&4
Liley T 21/15 2&1
Liley S 16/18 1&0
Yardley 7/2/25/3
Jones 6.1/0/44/3
Vincent 4/0/25/2