Ivor Hugh J Thurston, reports on the Bayshill’s latest match against Charlton Kings. Readers will be devastated to learn that Colonel Mustard is once again back in a high security sanatorium due to further unpredicted attacks of the vapours. Well wishers, (he sternly requests) can leave bottles of his favourite beer and cash, preferably large notes, in sealed envelopes at the Post Office – clearly labelled – Colonel Mustard, Medicinal Fund, PO Box 76.
Bobby and Jackie Charlton were kings of English football in the 1960s, both appearing in that memorable World Cup Final of 66′ at Wembley, when football actually came home and the Jules Rimet Trophy was raised aloft, to gladden the moist eyes of the nation. And so it was that football, yes football influenced the goings on in little Charlton Kings, some 56 years after the golden generation ‘did their thing.’
The cricket match between CK and Bayshill, scheduled for a 1.30 start ended up beginning a number of minutes past 2. All talk was not of whether the Bays could win, but whether a football team in the north of England, would snatch the title from another team in the north of England. Sorry reader, I’m not trying to send you to sleep…
Now to the cricket! Tina the Tortoise finally got a mention after the game finished. The explanation for her inclusion is somewhat spurious and her daring exploits climbing onto someone’s shoulder are very vague, due to the intoxicated state of the lady offering the information. It went something along the lines that Tina the debutante tortoise 9wearing a tiara) had luckily escaped from a pork-pie factory and somehow evaded becoming part of the ‘upper crust.’ Think on’t…
Nobby the Nobster, jolly swagman, back in charge after an untimely hiatus touring the outback looking for Kylie purportedly, took back his captain’s hat, threw away his didgeridoo and boomerang and off we went. The boomerang must have been one for the tourists (just a stick really), as it didn’t come back. Having an Abbo before the game, took on a whole new meaning and fortunately, wasn’t picked up by the Woke Brigade on their high horses and statue plinths. These of course, no longer support statues of anything or anyone, because everything and every thought, it seems these days, may possibly offend someone somewhere! Well that offends me for starters! God’s teeth, where will it all end?
Now, Abbo aside, the game started after a jolly bit of fielding practice. Bayshill were in the field and as I said, off we went. After ten overs, of the Harding brothers and a tiny bit of Paul Saunders’ bowling, the score had reached 51. Paul then had Griffiths clean bowled before Mr Stumping entered the pitch unasked for. Kamath approaching his fifty, was then run out sharply by Jamie Liley, who picked up the ball and hit the sticks with a direct hit, after a little confusion between the two batsmen. The score now 73/2 off 16.
Charlton Kings, now pushed on steadily but surely, as Pearson began dismantling Bays’ best efforts with the ball, whilst Harris seemed determined to enter the Bayshill hall of fame by stealth, for entirely different reasons. Pearson smacked five fours and four massive sixes, in just 25 balls, whilst Harris not so much smacked as dabbed forty dot balls in his innings of 6. If he joins the Bays, the dot ball masters within the club had better watch out, as Harris began his innings with a perfect 28 dots of the highest calibre.
Georges Seurat and ‘his movement’ (nothing to do with bowels) would have fully approved. In spite of this, the score climbed further before Steve Pritchard (Kitchen Devil expert & Government adviser on Education) took a very good catch, only to be outdone by Michael Harding who took a skier (no not someone on skis), off Alex, his brother’s bowling. Michael took the sixth wicket, LBW, so confident that he left the appeals to the keeper and a couple of other fielders, who appeal for anything that makes a noise within the ground. Two even appealed when the dog on the boundary woofed!
Tea was a complicated affair. More Abbos were dispatched (no mention of Rolf Harris either – phew. Got away with that). Tea continued on and on and on, with members of both teams grunting and cheering and squealing as though they had problems below, if you follow my drift. Eventually, with lots of saddened faces the players returned to the fray. The football had finished and it seems most of the present cricket players felt as though they’d been kicked heavily in the Kevin de Bruyne.
Bayshill batters tore into the CK attack. The first sixteen runs being a mixture of everything possible. 8 runs, 8 extras of more denominations than the Christian Church. The only thing missing was a penalty – not perishing football again! Chris looking good was first to go having struck two fours, one off the first ball, with the score on the sixteen.
Nobby was next to go, after starting his innings with 12 dots, for 24 off 47 with three fours, the score now 57 . Steve Pritchard started with seven dots, but then found his stride, being Bays’ top batter of the day, finally retiring on 51, with a purple patch of three sixes in four balls, before he left for the pavilion, with the score on 105.
Alex Van Dyke then offered the Bays some hope, but with the run rate already 12, it seemed the die was already cast. Tom Liley struck the one four, before being well caught. Alex and Steve Liley then put on 30, with the latter contributing just three. Michael Harding was unlucky going for a golden duck, but it must be said playing the right way. The team needed runs quickly.
Paul Saunders finished with 9 off 11 with two fours. The game was over, with the Bays 41 short of CK’s score. At the halfway point the team had only amassed 60, so 126 off 90 seemed too bigger a hill to climb and so it was.
Charlton Kings 196/5
Griffiths 20, Kamath 47 Pearson 50, Miller P 20, Henley 26
Harding M 6/0/36/1,
Harding A 4/0/35/1
Saunders P 6/2/23/1
Horner C 2/0/6/1
Catches: Pritchard 1, Harding M 1, Run Outs: Jamie Liley 1
Bayshill 155/6
Pierce A 24/47/3/0
Pritchard S 51*/44/3/3
Van Dyke A 39/44/6/0
Pearson 4/0/30/2, Hussain 5/0/15/1.