Hugh Janus has been plucked from the underpants of retirement to report on the latest Bayshill match against NEW fixture, Kingswood Village CC.
A largely hungover Bayshill arrived at the village playing fields to do battle with Kingswood Village. In what would turn out to be a most exciting affair. The sore heads courtesy of AVD’s surprise 30th commiserations held the night before. Many shots (not cricket ones) were present.
Bayshill won the toss and chose to bat first. The skipper, AKA party no show-er, sending Adrian and
Crazy Horner out to open the innings.
After a steady start, Adrian AKA Nobster blasted several boundaries and a mighty six before being
given out Belly Before Wicket by our very own Soggy umpire. The finger being raised quicker than a
junior doctor carrying out his first prostate exam.
Crazy, happily ticking off the singles was joined by Steve P, who was clearly fully refreshed from his
recent trip to Italia as he entertained the crowd with a 27 ball fifty. Cries of ‘Mamma Mia’ echoed
across the field as the skipper walked off having reached the retirement figure of L.
After a short break for rain, Chris H returned to the middle with another Chris to try and accelerate
to his 50. However, he was stopped short on 32 by virtue of a stumping. Crazy not realising that the
Keepers’ fumble would probably have allowed him time to walk to the pavilion, take a shower, eat a
pork pie and return to his crease before being dismissed.
Chris W was joined by our very own cockney ringer, AJ and after a few dabs at the ball, decided to
test out the boundary rope. AJ got to 11 before being caught late on to send T. Liley to the middle.
Both Tom Bombadil Liley and Toffee Crisp Chris finished unbeaten at the close. Angus was left
scratching the rash from his pads… or something else.
Next, came a remarkable and rare occurrence… a Cricket Tea!!
Both teams convened in the village hall where A fine display of sandwiches, snacks, pizza and cakes
were on display. All washed down with a lovely cup of tea.
Hawk Eye was asked to say a few words: “Fing brilliant ya c*. Best tea in cing years!”
After this, the Bays made their way to the field to prepare for the Kinsgwood batsmen, who arrived 3 hours later after remembering a cricket match was on.
The bowling was opened by AVD with absolute precision. Going for only 2 in the first over. The rest of the spell shall not be spoken of.
Soggy bowled tidily at the other end and was unlucky once again to finish without a wicket. Going for just 20 runs in 6 overs. T Liley also bowled a tidy spell of 6 overs for 30 runs with a maiden.
The Bays waited patiently before taking their first wicket. The Opener retired, 50! Not technically a
wicket but he was back in the shed all the same! Good riddance, the one-shot bastard! – shouted AJ
The other Kingswood Opener, unorthodox, with a crab-like stance and wearing a gold chain was
caught down leg side by stand-in WK, AVD off the bowling of Hawk Eye. A catch that surprised all.
The Hawk took off with glee and splattered bird droppings down the wicket.
The next batsman fell soon after to Angus Guthrie’s spinach. Bowled clean through the gate. Truly
Moeen Ali-esque. The Bays on top.
However, a hefty middle order partnership threatened to take the game away from Bays as a
partnership was formed and boundaries and quick singles, twos and threes quickly reduced the
deficit.
One Kingswood batsman was running so hard his foot came off! There was a brief pause in play as
he had to borrow the umpires’ foot.
Kingswood were running away with the game, literally, until a fine piece of under arm skittling from
Tom Liley running in from Long on to run out Eldridge for a breezy 40.
The game was still in the balance with Thomas biffing the ball about in the fading light. But Angus
ripped through the gate to dismiss him on 34 and to all but seal the victory.
AJ finished off the match with some tight (not entirely legal) death bowling and a couple of wickets,
including a comfortable catch by Soggy at cover.
After shaking hands and retreating to the showers, the Bays bathed in glory. Or indeed, Lynx body
wash and Brut.
After this gayness, both teams met at the local pub to natter and watch some colourful cricket
competition on TV played by the Pom Bears and the Mini Cheddars.
All in all, another victory and a very pleasant new fixture that we hope to retain for the 2024 season.
Hugh Janus signing off.
SERIOUS NOTE:
This report comes out on the back of 2 consecutive cancellations due to the Bayshill being unable to
field a side. A consistent struggle this year.
I think I speak for all when I say that this club is about more than just cricket, it’s a family and a social
hub. Without it, we wouldn’t have such an amazing group of friends who gather off the field for
socials, skittles, parties, and more.
The cricket is the integral part, and we must all strive to keep it going. There are players out there,
even non-players that don’t know that they can play cricket yet!
I politely request that all actively promote recruitment. Our problem for too long has been our
reliance on a core of regulars to be available each week. When even 2/3 of these regulars are
missing then we struggle to reach XI.
We all know how great this club is and what a great family we have. We have a new ground and new
sponsorship, new fixtures each year, the future is bright so lets keep it going and the club growing!
42 years the Bays has been going…. Here’s to the next 42 years!
COME ON THE BAYS!