Colonel Mustard returns, but at the same time salutes Hugh Janus for his recent high quality report and warns him to be on his mettle, as his efforts will be needed in the not too distant future once more, due to the Colonel’s recent impediment.
Well I must say that young Hugh, of the Janus species, certainly hit the sweet spot with his last report all right. I thought I’d have to give the whippersnapper’s backside a damn good thrashing after all that scandalous midweek talk of the craic.
The Boat Inn’s cricket team was formed in the late 1980’s, its first game being a memorable win over The Woodpeckers on their own ground, the venue today. A photogravure or is it a sepia photograph of the victorious team hung resplendent on the wall of the said pub for quite a few years, no doubt to the utter chagrin of Pecker drinkers from those great halcyon days. The original Boat Inn team comprised villagers, rustics and a few cricketing regulars, some of whom were, dare I whisper were, Bayshillians no less.
Sadly, the only thing to remain from that era now, are the rose-tinted happy memories of the perfect landlady, Jacqui and Ron and dear old Aunty Rene (& Uncle Horace) dispensing good quality, gravity real ales and ciders and of course the pub dog Brandy. No wonder the pub was on the CAMRA inventory for extraordinary pub interiors. A gem of a place, shielded from all the worst aspects of the modern world. Scrubbed deal tables, hard durable stools and chairs, a cast iron range and a stone floor. No nonsense, no music, no meals, but lively conversation, a community atmosphere and great humour to boot.
Three long years have passed since the pub closed its doors to customers and it looks like they’ll be shut for the likes of you and me, for not so much good, as bad.
Nobster Pierce and Toffee Crisp Wayman did the honours of opening the batting for the Bays after Headmaster Pritchers flexed his favourite cane to intimidate the opposition’s captain and indeed the silver 1945 thrupenny bit and won the toss. Could the mighty Bays win five games on the bounce? Well dear reader you’ll just have to wade through this minefield of a minestrone report to find out.
Nobby, Norbert the Nobster recently returned to all things cricketing, after this outward bound course with Chrissos Crazy Horner found the going a little tough. Having lost nearly three stone after a week on the strict ‘Chrissos Regime’, a diet devised by the master fisherman himself, the Nobster looked cast adrift. Two dots and then disaster struck, with Pierce as he’s occasionally known being caught and bowled. The score was now two and Bays fans of little faith were worried that the all out for 11 against Coates, many moons ago might be under threat.
They were to be wrong though, with the next three batsman showing what the Bays can do, when their dander is up due to adversity. Just less than six overs later, with the score on 51, the Toffee Crisp Man departed after a tidy 25* off 26 including three fours. Modest and calm Captain Pritchers, his partner at the other end, was already up to 19 and was to be there for just another seven balls. No he wasn’t out by the Lord’s trousers, no indeed, he went the same way as Wayman, also not out. It must be said though (and I don’t like saying it), that Old
Pritchers is starting to look a bit of a hurried batsman. Not too many wasted dots that have been the bane of the Bays in the past. Steve’s 25* came off just the sixteen with four 4s. Hurrah, good for him! The score had now climbed to 59 and only 7.3 overs had been bowled.
Alex Van Dyke on 1* was joined by Tom Liley, who took guard and then departed clean bowled by the ‘in a hurry’ Dallman, almost before getting ready for the first delivery. With only 3 added, Michael Harding was also clean bowled by Jack for just 2, with the score now 62.
Ajit (The Daddy) Singh only added four before he went the same way as Michael, before being replaced by ‘The Flying Scotsman’ and Hibs season ticket holder Rod Macleod. With four mighty heaves of the bat, the Bays were wondering whether the wild Pict was trying to dry his recently linseed oiled club. But no, like all Highlanders, there was a secondary plan. With the enemy lulled into a false sense of security, the Mel Gibson lookalike began an assault of ferocity not seen since Culloden. Four 4s followed with three 2s and suddenly the Scot was on his way retired 25 not out and the score up to 147. As he neared his exit, Rod had batted with Alex Harding (2) and Paul Saunders who made 11 off 10 (2 fours). The final batsman (note not batter) Eve Saunders joined her pater Paul. Eve dotted the first two, before striking the ball hard and going for her deserved run. Cruelly and somewhat lacking in altruism, she was sent back by her father to be run out. The Bays concluded on a score of 147, one that Ronnie O’Sullivan would have been pleased with. It must be stated though, he doesn’t play cricket.
The Boat Inn CC began by losing a quick wicket, that of Holford for 4. It didn’t bother his partner, Cadoux-Hudson though, who surged to 25 not out with four 4s and a six. Michael Harding had Stevens caught by Tom Liley for 18, before the dangerous Coupe arrived to bludgeon 24 including three sixes and a four. He departed caught Alex Harding, bowled Pierce.
The Boat and its score was shooting along as though jet powered. Tom did well to catch Beer (20), in the deep off Beth’s last ball of her over. M Dallman an original Boat player from ages past, made an untroubled 18 not out with another Coupe on 7 as the Bays score was eclipsed with only 15.5 of the 20 overs bowled.
Bayshill 147/6
Wayman 25* 26 4 0
Pritchard S 25* 16 4 0
Van Dyke A 25* 22 4 0
MacLeod 25* 19 4 0
Dallman 2/0/19/2
The Boat Inn CC
151/4
Cadoux-Hudson 25, Stevens 18, F Coupe 24, Beer 20, Dallman 18
Singh A 2 0 17 1
Pierce 2 0 25 1
Harding A 2 0 13 1
Pritchard B 1 0 6 1
Catches: Tom Liley 2, Pritchard S 1, Harding A 1
Club Warning:
Before the Colonel signs off he feels must issue a stern warning to the club regarding players and players’ behaviours.
In the past, this club has been short of players and has been in the unfortunate position of picking players whose behaviours has fell well short of what is expected of the CC that is the Bayshill. This is a family club and one that encourages diversity and inclusion. The club has developed many young players through the years and some of these players have gone on to be the backbone of the club.
Less is more! Sometimes playing with fewer players than we have is better than capitulating and calling upon players whose behaviours on and off the pitch is not acceptable. The effect such players have is unquantifiable. As a consequence, youngsters aspiring to play the game for Bayshill, may suddenly become unavailable due to such a selection policy.
Does the club wish to return to days where we have to apologise to the opposition for certain players’ antics? I certainly hope not.
CM