Colonel Mustard recently back from a therapeutic break in Bridport reports on Bayshill’s latest low key triumph.

Writing cricket reports is not an easy thing to do!  ‘Why is that?’ I hear you the doughty reader in all innocence ask.  Well I can tell you that the need for thought and appropriate adjectives takes me right back to the second Boer War, where our Johnnies had to crush all the upstart nonsense and silliness from the two Boer republics – yes, two not one!

Before I launch into all things cricketee, I want to ask a civil and reasonable question.  Why did all of the battles in the second Boer war begin with the letter ‘B’?  Nothing to do with Bayshill I assume?  Well, there was Bakenlaagte, Belmont, Bergendal, Bloody River Port, Boshof and Bothaville and Bloody Sunday.  The last one could have been something to do with the Bays as we play the summer game on the Sunday, but the indoor, sun-intolerant players, take to Prince Charles’ hall on nothing but Odin’s day, that is a Wednesday.  I can see that you are already reeling from the investigative Holmsian powers I have brought to this match report.  So onwards…

Now, in Bridport there is a small unassuming shop called Snooks, that sells hats and all other kinds of produce that the discerning cricketer simply needs.  I must say that from a personal perspective, I purchased a brace of red and white spotted handkerchiefs, but you won’t want to be hearing about that here.  More importantly, the shop sells pith helmets (please note indoor captain!) and has the greatest selection of moustache wax for gentlemen and laddies* in the empire. (see attached photographs)

With just 5 of the Bayshill six in the balcony, the captain had logially decided to win the toss and bat.  In the event, he lost the toss and Jim (Whitminster capt) put the Bays into field, whilst Bays 6th player arrived – delayed by an automobile accident.

Whitminster lost Keyte to a sharp run out by Adi when on only 7.  Their score climbed slowly to 26, before Steve Liley stumped Dan Reilly off Fran Stirrup’s bowling.  Then, the momentum of the game changed, with runs starting to accumulate like water in the guttering of a Lords afternoon with heavy non-cricketing rain.  Cook retired on 27, Johns on 25, whilst Squire had moved to 14 not out, having somehow escaped a stumping appeal.  Fran managed to run out the unlucky Hyland on 2, with the score now a reasonably healthy 100.  The last ball was delivered and Whitminster had posted 103.

Bays dropped a number of catches, some difficult and others also difficult (if you believe the droppers).  From a Mustard perspective, high in the press box in the balcony, the Bays were as sloppy as a creamy Dijon and with as about as little bite.   

Part two of the game began well for the Bays as Adi Rai and Chris Horner moved the score onto 55 before the loss of Chris (23 off 23 – one four), who when blasting for the back wall was well caught and bowled by Lewis Cook.  Adi had by this stage already made his 25 with 2 fours and a six off just 12 balls.

In a tactical move, Steve Liley was put in at number three.  He scored 19 off 14 with 2 fours, before being run out, having almost backed up to the on-strike batsman, Tom.  The score was now 85.  Tom Liley with Alex Van Dyke moved this upwards to the required total with a full over to spare.  Tom finished with 19 off 12 (one four) and Alex 9 off 5 (also one four).

Once more the Bays took flight to The Lansdown to quaff Abbot Ale and NeckOil – yes NeckOil!  The league table looks a trifle healthier now and with four games left who knows what this mighty body of athletic men may achieve!  Hip hip hurrah for the Bayshill…

Hurrah, hurrah, hurrah!         

* yes laddies not ladies – how could you think I’d made a typo?  You’ve upset me now.