Colonel Mustard, back in the howdah, reports on the mighty Bays latest outing. (Not that sort of outing – really! How could you think such a thing)
When I heard that the cricket club, going by the name of Bayshill were, next month going on tour again, my mind danced back on Jungle-booted feet, to the old campaigns when shooting a tiger, was not only a good idea, but the most politically correct thing any decent chap could achieve. Times have changed a bit since then of course and you, dear reader know, how ‘in touch with issues of the day’ I am proud to boast. You wouldn’t dare accuse me of being old-fashioned or unsympathetic with the new ways of thinking. Now, I’m not saying I’m going to throw any damned statue into a harbour, or indeed start demanding anything to do with the slave trade is erased from public memory. All right, Bristol was built on nothing but profits from the trade in human misery, but I don’t think the entire city should be erased from the face of the earth. By accomplishing this radical action however, all those offended by the actions of the slave traders in centuries long-gone, would surely be appeased and thus happy, although all those Bristolian johnnies, would be thence rendered homeless.
Now, where was I? Ah yes, that’s right, the Isles of Scilly cricket tour. A spokeswoman for the club, standing in the driving rain, outside the vast edifice that is Bayshill House, stated that all cricketers going on the tour of ’22, were to be furnished with pith helmets. When pressed on the matter, she conceded that the expectation was that players should provide these for themselves. Now, I’m going to have to go back to the slave trade, or more specifically the Barbary slave trade that harassed Europe, including Cornwall and The Isles of Scilly between the 16th and 18th centuries. Yes, that’s right, I’m talking about the 1-1.25 million European Christians, who were whisked away by the north African Berbers, Arabs and Muslims to The Barbary coast, to die of maltreatment, disease and starvation in poverty. I’m not sure I should have mentioned this here, as some woke chappies may take offence, but there’s a good possibility some of the Scilly cricketers who’ll face the Bays next month are from families that were ravaged by this little-known part of the slave trade. Just imagine how strong their teams would be if this had never occurred. Before you ask, I’m not suggesting that Casablanca, Algiers, Tunis or Tripoli are pulled down as reparation, in the way Bristol could be…
Yes, next month Bays’ players will don their pith helmets, like old Don! I mean Don Estelle of course, the diminutive ‘Lofty’ from BBC’s immensely popular ‘It Ain’t Half Hot Mum’. Clearly, I’ve moved on and well away from any potentially politically insensitive area! Come on the Bays, I say, the Bays to entertain you!
Having arrived at Bibury, one’s mind was somewhat put in a spin by the similarities the place has with the great Mongolian Plateau. Also, to find a way to the ground was as difficult as locating base camp on K2. Five miles of undulating rough road before the wind-swept ground was achieved.
Now the cricket! Yes Bays were put into bat, with captain and vice-captain, both Abbot Ale connoisseurs wielding the Salix with gusto. The pair made 57 before Chris Horner went for 15, with a single four, after 11.4 overs. Now number three, Steve Pritchard joined the captain and set about the business of scoring a few runs. Few people know that (voucher collecting) Pritchard is in fact a food gourmet on quite considerable standing. He is by all accounts, ‘The Bayhill’s Rick Stein,’ knowing his langoustine from his lobster. Pritchard (Headteacher & benchgrinder) as his sobriquet implies, knows everything there is to know about eating fish, whether deep-fried or raw. Indeed, Steve has opened his own speciality fish restaurant in Devon called ‘The Pritchard Inn,’ and the club wish him well with this new venture. (See photo) Steve, however only managed three of a partnership of 17 with the captain, who then went for 34 off 34, including four 4s. Too much talk of fish, possibly the cause for Nobby’s demise, or was it Santa’s secret playing on the captain’s mind. (See photo)
Angus Guthrie now joined Pritchard at the crease, for a brief 6 off 13, before he also went. A pied wagtail wandered around a bit on the outfield before departing. Tom Liley now entered, to make 19 off 19 with a brace of fours, before being caught trying to loft a big one. His innings stymied somewhat by picking out the fielder time and again. Steve Pritchard meanwhile had climbed to about thirty. Tom’s replacement was his father, Steve Liley (3*). Pritchard seemingly unsettled by the presence of another teacher (ex), was clean bowled for 32 off 44, with four 4s. Chris Thorp (teacher with lots of awards) came in to bat for his first match of the season. He made some lusty strokes, but sadly all were fielded with aplomb. Halford then clean bowled the unlucky Thorp (with no E). Paul Saunders then strode to the crease to face just two balls, which he dispatched for 2 and four respectively. So ended the Bays’ knock, 142 for 6.
During the break between innings, a Red Kite hovered overhead before moving away over Arlington Row, to thrill the thousands of tinned tourists. More Abbot Ale was dispatched and before you could say, ‘Where’s the pub after?’ the game was back on.
Michael Harding and Tom Liley were given the honour of delivering the first six overs, which yielded 34 runs. Saunders replaced Harding, but was expensive going for 36 (4×4 & 2×6) off three, but taking Mendis’ (39) wicket, well caught by Angus Guthrie. Guthrie replaced Tom, who had bowled tidily for 20 runs off his four. Horner pouched a catch off Guthrie at a gulleyish position running towards where a 4th or 3rd slip may have been, dismissing Halford for 0.
The runs kept coming however, as opener P Cangstra finally left the field 54 not out, with Bibury winners. Steve Pritchard went for 34 off his three overs including five 4s and a big six. Cowell, Bibury’s number 4 made 31 not out.
After match drinking took place at both The Catherine Wheel and The George at Birdlip (See Captain Abbotastic) and possibly other places too. Another game, another lose!
Bayshill CC 142/6
Pierce A 34/34/4/0
Horner C 15/31/1/0
Pritchard S 32/44/4/0
Liley T 19/19/2/0
Evans 5/0/27/2, Rias 3/1/10/2
Bibury CC 143/2
Cangstra 54, Mendis 39, Cowell 31
Harding M 3/0/19/0
Liley T 4/0/20/0
Saunders P 3/0/36/1
Guthrie A 4/0/29/2
Pritchard S 3/0/34/0