Ivor Thurston taking a break from his disgustingly large, somewhat soft (3 on the Mohs Scale) golden-brown, hand-carved sepiolite, Meerschaum pipe, reports somewhat asthmatically and distinctly wheezily from the main balcony at The PoW Cricket Stadium.
The mighty Bays had managed to slip three places after losing somewhat badly, a fortnight ago to Cranham, but last week the team climbed one place in Division Three of Cheltenham’s Indoor Cricket League, simply by not playing. It makes you shake your head in wonder at how the Bays pulled this off! It is, after all that time of year, when the clocks have been altered, purported ghosts and ghoulies show themselves (if you believe that sort of guff) and people build smoky bonfires and set off noisy fireworks to annoy their neighbours, dogs, cats and of course newts.*
So without further obfuscation to the game. Before this however, I must say I’m going to let you into a little secret. I’m trying my best to avoid the hackneyed sport’s reporter’s mistake of filling his report with masses of cliches. I vow here and now to you dear reader, to avoid cliches like the plague. After all the English language, the fairest language of them all, is la creme de la creme of languages. Finally, I ask you, is sloppiness in writing caused by ignorance and apathy? Well, I simply don’t know and I don’t care! Also, I’m avoiding awkward or affected alliteration. And refuse categorically to start a sentence with a conjunction.
VP Number 2 and Indoor Cricket Captain, Chrissos Horner vowed to bat, bat or bat, when he won the toss. This turned out to be irrelevant as he single-handedly lost the toss and we took to the field instead. Well, (for the pedants) not field, but more of a rectangular green rubbery area, precisely filling the concrete block constructed cricket stadium.
Ah, yes the game. Well the Bays rotated the bowling attack to good effect, limiting the scoring in a manner of speaking. Paul Evans hit 54 off 20 including three 6s as The Saints pushed their way to 131 for 4. All four wickets being run outs by Chris, Adi, Fran and Tom. Bays dropped a number of difficult catches and could possibly have been described as unlucky if such a phenomenon exists in sport. Fran should be commended for a tight 3 overs for just 18.
The Bays were all out for 46! No point dressing it up, simply not enough. Chris top scored with 12 off 10. Three run-outs saw the team slide quickly out of contention. Only one four was hit in the innings, by Tom Liley, who was genuinely unlucky to be given run out, by the wicket being broken, by a hand without ball.
After eight overs, it was all over in similar fashion to the Bays last game. Drinks were once again dispatched in the Rotunda, where Master Coleopterologist Alex Van Dyke lounged beneath three quality beetles. The chairman castigated the team for its feeble and less than entertaining performance and broke out the lately much used horse-hair shirts, that by his stern instruction were to be worn until the AGM on Sunday.
This report was sponsored by the Allied Newt and Axolotl* Defence League
** 66 points in Scrabble