Hail to thee, esteemed reader, and be greeted on this fair day. I bid thee a hearty welcome to thine weekly chronicle of the match held upon the past weekend. Thy correspondent for this occasion be none other than a gentleman named Mr. Hugh Janus. Partake in the ensuing account with mirth and delight, and if perchance it doth not please thee, all grievances may be lodged within the closest verdant receptacle.
On a muggy and overcast day at Westbury, the Bayshill skipper and chief Tosser lost the toss and Bayshill were put into bat. Angus Guthrie and Chris Horner the opening pair. The former playing some lovely drives and sweeps about 30 mins after the ball had passed him. Eventually bat and ball met and the U11s boundary began to receive the punishment it was to receive throughout the day. After 3 quick boundaries, Chris Horner was given out LBW without hesitation by AVD. Apologies were provided but Chris agreed it was as plum as a plum picked from a plum tree in Plum Township, Pennsylvania.
Jack Wyatt then made his way to the crease for the first time as a Bayshillian in many years after being granted a weekend pass from the Mines of Derbyshire. He and Angus proceeded to assemble a blistering partnership! Walloping the Westbury U14 girls to all parts of the ground – It is worth noting that the most impressive bowlers for Westbury were in fact E.Powell, B. Powell and C. Dunn who all led from the front and showed the blokes how it should be done! – Angus hit a mighty 10 x 4s to reach his maiden 50 in front of a raucous crowd! His reward for reaching such a milestone? Mandatory retirement!
Wyatt, also smashing 10 x 4s and a 6 off a juicy full tosser, reached his retirement figure of L. Beth and Eve continued the assault, the former crashing a four through mid-on and quite rightly applauding herself for the shot! Eve at the other end hit 2 lovely fours before being caught and bowled by none other than the mysterious ‘S’ – details in the scorebook are most vital – for a well played 12. Beth was bowled by Cueto for 11 and replaced by the second-best Pritchard on the field.
Steve the captain Pritchard managed a trio of 4s before being ousted by the Powell sisters, Caught Beth and Bowled by leg spinner Eve Powell. Pritchard, dismayed at the no-ball not being called, trudged off, shouting expletives and throwing his bat in disgust. Happy Fathers Day to him.
After watching the replay, the ball clearly reached Steve below neck height. A fine delivery. To see out the remaining 3 overs, Chris Wayman was joined by AVD, who had already warmed up with a lovely tin of Hazy Jane. Both put on a stunning partnership of 25 to reach the close. AVD clipping the final ball of the innings to the square leg boundary. The crowd went wild.
Lunch was self-provided and typically unsatisfying ‘BRING BACK THE TEAS’ people cried!. Clubs seem to have forgotten that the tea was a pivotal chapter in the game of cricket. Games were won and lost over teas and clubs were judged by the quality of them. The pandemic changed many things, however, the worst of all has to be the banishment of the cricket tea. A petition to bring back the tea is on its way to parliament and a march on Downing St is being arranged (BBTT).
Anyhoo, after an insipid tea that left my tastebuds contemplating early retirement, the Bays ventured back onto the field.
It was the Saunders’ to open at both ends with Saunders senior bowling the first over. Saunders junior at the other end managed the first scalp and it was to be the first of 3 occasions in this match where the bowler and batter both shared the same name! With Eve dismissing Eve (Alex vs Alex & Beth vs Beth was to come). This has to be a new record, the statistician is currently filtering through the previous 42 years of scorebooks to confirm.
After Eve’s scalp, Soggy Saunders Senior chipped in with a ball that skimmed the edge of the stumps, the opening pair had been dismissed.
With both Saunders taking a rest, Beth Pritchard came on to bowl with some searing pace. Used to great effect to clean bowl the number 3 bat. An aggressive send off ensued and Beth was taken out of the attack to cool down.
The overs then trickled by with little drama. AVD bowled 3 wicketless overs and Crazy Horner and Angus also chipped in with some wicketless overs. Wickets are overrated anyway.
Eve decided she wanted to double her wicket tally and came back into the attack to have Cueto caught near the boundary by AVD.
In the midst of all this excitement, J Wyatt was bowling his majestic spinach and bamboozling his opponents with the ones that go straight on. His 5 th over of a 6 over spell saw 2 wickets added to his name.
Wyman survived the Bayshill onslaught and retired on exactly 50. However, he was easily outclassed and outperformed by Beth Powell who made a solid 10* to lead her team off the pitch.
Someone (tis a mystery) bowled the last ball and thus, the game was over! The Bays players sprinted to the pavilion before they were mobbed by thousands of screaming fans.
Shower club saw the most successful turnout in recent times, and I’m pleased to report that following a safeguarding review, there was not a peeping tom in sight.
Drinks and pleasantries were shared and then everyone buggered off home.
Next Sunday the Bayshill venture out to Temple Grafton. Can they make it 5 wins in a row!?
Thank you dear readers, that’s Hugh Janus signing off. I bid thee farewell and bottoms up.
Next up, the Butt Inn at Asshleworth.
Sayonara.