The Colonel once again reprises his role as chief scribe for the mighty Bays following an evening of significant triumph within the confines of Willy’s stadium.
Away from the hurly burly of Bayshill cricketing and all that that encompasses, there is the very serious administrative side of the club, which was founded in the early 1980’s the Right Honourable Peter Van Dyke. Indeed, before flexing the old Wandering Albatross quill which I have chosen for today’s report, I have a mind to refresh the memories of Bayshillians regarding the relatively recent position of Honourable President of this very club. It seems only nanoseconds since Spike the world famous penguin held this prestigious post for a year. Then Hoggy the Hedgehog wrestled the mantle onto her broad shoulders but for a single orbit of the Sun, to be replaced only this week by our very own Winston Styrofoam Van Dyke, the first such appointment to be made under the present government.
The rumours abounding have been as far fetched as any that can be remembered, in the time the club has had, to pull on whites, or to be completely accurate, in some cases light browns. The attached photographs show the very depths of despair and jealousy that has unwittingly been created by this recent appointment. The post of Honourable President of Bayshill CC, it must be considered, is seen as a pinnacle, a summit or even for the astronomically minded, a zenith of achievement. However, with all such positions, there is the setback that those not up to task regard see the post as nothing less than their own personal Mount Pisgah. But enough of this biblical nonsense, to the game I must hasten.
Now, today’s game, which by the time you read it, will be the day before yesterday’s or even last week’s, depending on the speed of this week’s electricity and the associated computer workings. The players were there in the balcony, all ready for the off (not off the balcony though – please behave now!), some had paid in advance ‘on line,’ some had brought buckets of cash, but whatever the case, the general feeling in the camp, was that indoor cricket was a pit that would snaffle as many doublons, as it could feasibly manage. But enough of such fiscal talk, that will no doubt lead to the clogging up the ‘front pages’, before you any decent tax-paying cricketer can say, ‘Capital Gains Tax’ or even, ‘How about 10 free Taylor Swift tickets?’
Alex Van Dyke although now a married man and possibly the most sensible male in his immediate new family (Mr and Mrs Van Dyke), arrived casually after the toss had been taken. Naturally, the Bays got what they wanted, even though they lost the spin of the Shekel. St. Stephen’s captain decided his team would bat and allow the Bays the luxury of knowing in thirty seven and a half minutes approximately, exactly what they would need to chase down.
Tom Liley now an engaged man and like his captain also very sensible, started the bowling with a controlled over that yielded just the four runs. Angus Guthrie, yet again as sensible as sensible can be, bowled the second over from the other end (well not completely accurate at all there, but hopefully you, the reader will follow the drift). His first ball went, uncharacteristically for two wides, but was caused by injury. The over went for 18, but all credit to Angus for completing it.
Tom returned and pulled the score back to 10 on average per over, going for 8. Alex the beetle-expert, began his spell of bowling slightly earlier than expected and found a further 11 added to the score. Fran (also sensible to the letter) copied Tom granting St. Stephen’s a further 8 runs. Alex’s next over saw the beginning of a Bays’ fightback regarding run rate. Only 4 conceded, of which just a single coming off the bat.
Chris Horner (Professor Sensible) took up the bowling duties and only allowed the opposition yet again just four more. Fran returned to have Oli May caught off the side wall by Tom Liley, for 16. Aaron Batchelor (occasional Bays player) had retired by now and removed himself to the balcony to await a second innings. After eight overs it was 69/1.
Fran bowled his last over for nine, with Angus running out Paul Evans for 13. Alex’s next over merited just four runs, but saw 2 wickets. One, another run out by Angus Guthrie, who threw accurately to keeper (Mr Sensible) Steve Liley, and an action replay catch off the side wall again by Tom Liley.
Tom bowled the last over that claimed, first the returning Batchelor’s wicket for 38 – another run out, this time by Alex and a catch by yet again Guthrie (3 fielding dismissals in all). St. Stephen’s posted exactly one Nelson or 111.
No time for tea or other refreshments, the Bays were batting. Horner and Stirrup reprising their roles as Bays openers yet again. Berry was taken for nine off his first over, that saw both batsmen hit a three. Aaron Batchelor now with ball in hand gave the Bays a further 10 runs, but had Chris caught behind (see LBW in the scoresheet). Fran unperturbed hit the ‘slow’ Leadbetter for a four and a maximum to keep the Bays on track. Evans bowled a tight over for four and then Aaron Batchelor returned for another quiet Bays over that saw 7 added. Evan backed this up with his second yielding just 8 and at the halfway stage it was 49/1. The Bays needed 62 off the next 6.
Both Fran and Alex retired not out, the former making 39 off just 15 with two fours and a six, whilst the latter scored 26 off 22 with one four and two sixes. Tom Liley made a quick 12 off 8, with the one four, before being caught at the third attempt by keeper Lynott May. After 9 overs the scoreboard showed 80/2, meaning 32 were needed off the last 18 balls, with Angus Guthrie (on 5) and Steve Liley now just in.
Liley wasted the first two balls of Leadbetter’s last over, but then drove him for a poorly fielded four. Two threes were then shared by Guthrie and Liley, with Liley smacking a six off the last ball of the over. With 2 left, the Bays needed 15.
Batchelor had Liley caught on the second ball of his over for 14 off 7 with one four and one six. Angus made seven off the next over, whilst the returning Fran chipped in with a three, leaving the Bays needing five off the last over. Fran decided that 2 balls were all that was required, smacking a four and a six to wrap things up.
As the players reassembled in The Rotunda for snifters various, the Chairman drank long and deep and after marshalling his thoughts, spoke of good performances all round and yet another win. The Bays have now two wins from 2! Where will it all end? Can the Bays keep winning? A philosopher answering such a questions, could be forgiven for answering that, you shouldn’t put the (Bay) horse before Descartes.
This is Colonel Mustard signing off with a toodle-pip old bean or even a tinkerty-tonk old fruit! Hurrah!