Colonel Mustard, furious and thoroughly wet through, in heavy, tartan tweeds, reports from the delightful Cotswold village that is Naunton. Standing, wellified, in his allotment, sporting a classy Victorian monocle and virtually smoking, his Meershaum, the Colonel spoke forth. ‘I’m unimpressed with the attitude of the greenery, I’ve been nurturing so lovingly. The climbing beans have been given the cane, for no other reason, that they are, ‘Going round the twist,’ whilst my enpurpled potato tubers, are not sleeping easily in their beds, having formed, ‘an underground movement.’ Clearly vegetables are a tricky business.
When the Titanic sank in 1912, there was a certain inevitability to it. Water, not the iceberg was the problem. It was exactly the same at Naunton, on a Wednesday evening, that happened to follow a friendly and benign Spring day. Yes, it is true, that the satellites were warning of incoming weather systems that were bearing heavy rain. It is also true, that when it comes to cricket, the average cricketer is prepared to put hope, as far above common sense, as reason. Yes, dear reader, it was more inevitable the game would be affected by rain, that the Titanic would be struck by an ice-berg. Now, I’m not suggesting that the result on Wednesday was as bad as that encountered in the North Atlantic, but all the same it was a bally nuisance, although not a surprise.
Water in the form of rain, is a boon for all vegetables as we all know, but the deluge that inundated Naunton and its gerontion scorer’s laptop, was a trifle too much to take.
Chris Horner (VP No2), won the toss and chose to bat in the crepuscular light that only England in a mid-May may provide. Naunton kindly lent the Bays 2 players, Don and Dug, who scored 6* and 1 respectively. No one, batting for the Bays this evening covered themselves in glory. Only two players managed double figures, Adi Rai (16) and Alex (The Noggin) Van Dyke (13). Hughes and Hanks both took two wickets apiece, with four other bowlers claiming just the one.
Slowly, but surely, the drizzle became heavier and the light faded from poor to bad, to very poor, to very bad, to well you get the picture. Not to miss a trick, all Bays batsmen who were clean bowled and there were six of them, claimed it was the lack of light that ‘did them.’ Indeed, a car leaving the pitch after about 10 overs had lights, that beamed out across the outfield, akin to that issued from the Bishop Rock Lighthouse. Perchance, this was also a warning signal, that went unheeded, indicating that batting here at this time was dangerous and shouldn’t be attempted. Needless to say numbers 2 to 7 were on the rocks before they knew it.
At the break, the weather was still doing its best to deteriorate as much as possible. The scorer’s laptop was now awash, although the band was still playing on. Suddenly, before the captain knew it, (he was sheltering in his car) the game was sunk. ‘Abandon game!’ was the cry!
The Black Horse provided a warm dry interior, from which to reflect on the game. Donningtons Best Bitter from the nearby brewery went down like the Titanic and indeed this evening’s game.
Bayshill 85/9
Rai A 16/16/2/0
Van Dyke A 13/22/0/0
Horner C 8/7/2/2
Liley S 7/11/1/0
Hughes 4/1/15/2, Hanks 4/0/12/2
Game Abandoned.