This esteemed organ’s roving reporter, none other than Old Moutarde himself is still purportedly stuck in the decompression chamber that he has been confined to, due to a nasty case of the Bends. He has though, quite remarkably managed to convey to you, the learned reader, some news relating to important Bays’ issues this week. Once again, using his churchwarden, he managed to tap out the following message in Morse Code and quite remarkably found photographic evidence as well. (How does he jolly well do it? We’ll never know for sure, I fear.)
Dot, dash, dash, dash, dot, dot, dot……………..and so it began.
On Friday night before the Bays’ last match, a large group of Bays’ players, their wives, partners and supporters gathered for a birthday bash. Yes indeed, over 15 players, past and present attended Rachael Liley’s 60th Birthday Party. Rachael has supported the club since 1987, having turned out for the club, a few times as a player (notably batting and carrying her bat, with Darren ‘The Mobster’ Mobley against Castletown, on the infamous Isle of Man Tour, 2010). Rach has been also been scorer for the club, made numerous high quality teas, helped deal with every medical emergency on the field (and off it), attended every tour since 87′ and above all supported the club through thick and thin. Well done to her we all say! Hip Hip Hoorah! And above all, a Very Happy Birthday from the Bays!
Rachael has conveyed her thanks to all who attended and made her day so special. Also, she would like to thank everyone for their kind messages, cards and presents!
Now onwards to the cricket – see attached photographs.
Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, oh bother, dash I can’t get out.
Once more, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle was summoned to replace the Colonel. To our great surprise and huge delight, he agreed to our request and even better still waived his usual astronomical fee.
A full week had passed since the febrile activity at Overbury, but Holmes was still most agitated for some reason. Living room curtains had been pulled apart with slightly more vigour than necessary at such an early hour and now the morning light of another day flooded into the room, with a great many speckles of dust moving randomly and gently in the bright beams of sunshine.
‘Watson, I fear greatly for the Bays,’ Holmes addressed his friend, who began to stir in the cock-pit leather armchair, where he’d clearly spent the night sleeping.
‘Yes, I thought as much,’ the good doctor replied, ‘I must admit to having given the issue a little thought of my own and hence my untidy, dishevelled presence here.’
‘Good Lord man! Were you, like me, contemplating the absence of the captain this week? I’d heard rumour from the Irregulars that he’d gone on holiday to celebrate his first win as captain. What sort of leader of men would do that? Or perhaps, you thought of the strange reasoning for the team to have picked just the nine, once again? What is going on with this bizarre team Watson?’
‘Balls my dear Holmes, I was thinking balls,’ the doctor replied enthusiastically. ‘I was wondering why Overbury used an orange ball, nothing more. As for the Bays team, they’ve always more than delivered on the bizarre front, I’ve heard from good and indeed bad authority.’
‘My dear fellow, the use of a ‘Jaffa’ and I don’t mean a well-delivered ball, is mystery to anyone who has the slightest bit of grey matter lodged between their ears. The damned thing, the ball that is, is far too hard and a blight on the modern game. Orange, white and believe it or not, pink are created these days. Thank the Lord’s trousers that no-one has thought of a Rainbow ball yet. That for sure, would be the end!’
‘Let us for a wheeze, see what Mrs. Hudson thinks Holmes. I’d like to know if she has the tiniest of ideas of what we are discussing. It would be a wheeze if nothing else.’
‘Mrs.Hudson, my goodness, you are here already. I have a most important question for you.’ Holmes, with the forefinger of his right hand, tapped the side of his, just so slightly hooked nose, looking in Watson’s direction with a mischievous grin. ‘What do you, my woman, think of the development of cricket balls?’
‘Well, I don’t know much in any depth on any topic master. Let me think for a second though.
I learned from somewhere that the first cricket balls were self-made by the bowler, but this became somewhat unsatisfactory as there was too much of a variation in their weight, size and so on. The Weald of Kent and Sussex is seen as the rightful birthplace of the modern ball.
A wooden boarded house between the parish boundary of Leigh and Penshurst is the site of the first cricket ball manufacturer’s factory. Three generations of the Duke family lie to this day, in the graveyard nearby. They were the true pioneers in the way the ball was made. By winding thread around their innovation that was an octagonal piece of cork, gave the ball just enough ‘give’, for an even bounce and didn’t at the same time damage the timber bats. I seem to remember they received the Royal patent in 1775 and presented the first six seam ball to the then Prince of Wales in the 1780 season. The following year their triple sewn ball won a prestigious medal at The Great Exhibition.’
‘Thank you so much Mrs. Hudson, that is surely quite enough. I’m pleased you didn’t impart all your knowledge here,’ Holmes said stopping the housekeeper’s impromptu speech, whilst Watson’s sniggered and pretended to cough into his red and white spotted handkerchief.
‘The cherry red ball – not a scarlet one, is the only one that should be seen on a field of play in the daytime,’ Mrs Hudson offered, whilst leaving the living room quickly, as though aware she had possibly said a little too much.
‘The woman knows nothing whatsoever of the game,’ Watson observed from his crimson leather chair. ‘She seems to imply the game could be played at night.’ Good Lord, matches at night, what a thought! Watson chuckled long at the housekeeper’s naivety.
The stand-in captain, a man in his late-twenties and still unusual, had deemed the Bays should field, by agreeing with the opposition captain that this would be the case. Also, the ball to be used, was to be a ball that had already been used, but was reassuringly of the right hue and colour.
The intestinal tobacco smoke from a well-used Meerschaum pipe drifted up into the lime trees adjacent to the ground unsettling a raucous colony of crows. The cacophony of their coughing and wheezing temporarily giving away their and indeed the master sleuth’s presence. He wasn’t to stay this time as well though.
‘Nothing I can achieve here today, the stand-in captain knows his onions all right,’ was the only sentence to be heard by anyone with good hearing, who happened to be near the boundary rope, some thirty yards from the Dick Gearing Pavilion.
Now the Poulton side on the field today was made up mainly of youngsters and a few more mature players. They didn’t have to face the Bays’ standard openers of 23′ though, as the Harding brothers reprised their role from last year, bowling from both ends.
It wasn’t long before Bosan was out caught by Angus Guthrie off the younger brother Alex, with the score just a few. With the score up to 8, Jordan-Willis exited caught and bowled by the older brother Michael. So it went on, with Michael taking the third wicket, clean bowling A Sundavadra for just four and the score a mere 16 now. Not content with a brace, Michael bagged his third wicket in the seventh over, N Sundavadra, once again caught and bowled for a quacker and the score just up to a paltry 20.
Alex Van Dyke the captain for the day, decided things couldn’t go on like this as the Bays looked to run riot all over Poulton. The change of bowlers, didn’t slow things down though, with Arnold on 13, being sharply stumped by Steve (The Abbot) off Chris (The best teacher in the squad) Thorp. Jamie Liley then clean bowled Horne for one and with six down the score was 30. But his over wasn’t finished yet. The grandfather / grandson combination of Steve and Jamie saw Skinner stumped for a duck with no score added.
Viney W, guesting for the Bays mopped up two tail-enders, caught by Alex the captain and Tom Liley, finishing with 2/16. Thorp, back in the action took the final and his second wicket, having Poulton’s best player and captain caught brilliantly by Angus Guthrie.
Tea at the request of Mrs. Hudson was self-made and everyone ate exactly what they wanted. Hurrah for that.
Bays reply was slow but sure with Guthrie and Michael Harding opening. Michael went bowled for 6 after hitting one good fur and the score on 10. Guthrie at the other end was out with a further 14 runs added, departing on 9 with a brace of fours. Tom Liley already in at three, looked in control as he was joined by father Steve, who snicked a cheeky four past the static keeper for four with his first ball. Steve used the ‘Reverse Swat’ (his own invention) to score a single to square leg, being congratulated by Poulton’s captain, who said it was the best thing he’d ever seen on a cricket field. High praise indeed. The partnership lasted eight overs as the Bays climbed to 44, before Steve on 13, managed to clip the ball just so slightly off the bottom of his bat to the delighted keeper off Walton.
Alex Van Dyke and Tom now moved the score to 80 in the next six overs, before Alex, now on 18 with two fours managed to be clean bowled by Arnold. W Viney came in and played a lovel shot for 2 and the game was done and dusted. It was ironic that for the second week running the finishing line for the Bays was reached by opposition players guesting for them.
Poulton CC 81 all out
Arnold 13, Lawrence 45.
Harding M 4/1/7/3
Harding A 3/0/13/1
Liley J 4/1/13/2
Thorp C 4.4/0/14/2
Viney W 3/0/16/2
Catches: Guthrie 2, Harding M 2, Liley T 1, Van Dyke A 1, Stumpings: Liley S 2
Bayshill CC 82/5
Guthrie Runs 9 Balls 16 4/6s 2/0
Liley T 24* 44 4/0
Liley S 13 32 1/0
Van Dyke A 18 17 2/0
‘Mrs. Hudson the teas were well received today!’ Holmes managed, before the house-keeper replied quietly that her tea making duties had ceased permanently.
‘Thank goodness for that!’ Holmes replied under his breath, she made a right mess of the last lot, I seem to remember.’