Colonel Mustard once more back on the mainland and in a full set of heavy tweeds, returns to bring a pinch of normality to readers of this electronic organ.
In my cupboard there are two small wheelie type bags, that will satisfy all the necessary baggage requirements of the cheap end of the airline spectrum. They are brand new and still have their tags attached. They are waiting for the moment that the Atlantic Wolff sets sail at high speed from Penzance to Hugh Town at a time when the knowledgeable bird is starting wormwards. Oh dear, I seem to have made a stinker in this report already – I’m not going to venture down the path in that fictitious direction again.
Now where was I? Ah yes, I hear you cry, as the evanescent Wolff also passes from thought. To the cricket on the mainland and by that I mean to Westbury-on Severn and Andoversford and the other ‘over’ that of Overbury. There is no report for the earlier matches, as The Colonel and when I reference him, I mean me of course, was attending to other affairs, which will be on less than no interest to the reader; – unless the reader happens to be interested in Abbot Ale pump clips and the growing of beetroot and other vegetables on British Rail land. If this is the case, then I’d suggest specialist help of the order of, ‘If you’ve been affected by any of the issues in this report, please blah blah blah and so on.’ Now we’ve covered ourselves from any possible insurance claims, I’ll push onwards.
If Old Moutarde had written a report, it would have been brief and probably said something like the following.
Overbury – Party Bash!
Bays won the toss and put Overbury into bat. They made 200 with Pierce the Nobster and Hawk the Hawk excelling with the ball, taking 3 and 2 respectively. In reply, the Bays struggled and finished on 151 with Nobby unbeaten on 39 – in a retire on 30 game. Horner back from the bunker made a creditable 29 from 27, whilst Angus Guthrie scored 17 to ensure he eclipsed the aspiring headteacher and prospective father-in -law, Old Pritchers who amassed one less.
Overbury 200/10
Hockey 22, Aldridge 20, Davis 31, Gardener 36*.
Macleod 4.3/0/18/1, Thorp 4/0/31/2, Liley J 4/1/16/1, Pierce 2/0/17/3.
Catches: Pierce, Macleod, Guthrie, Van Dyke, Liley S. Run Outs Horner 1, Macleod 1.
Bayshill 151/9
Horner 29/27/4/1, Pierce 39*/50/6/0.
Davis 3/26, Townsend 3/7.
Andoversford – Back after 8 years or so!
Andoversford won the toss and pushed the Bays into bat on a holt and sultry day. The Bays made 163, with Alex Bertie Van Dyke top scoring with a cultured 52. Tom Liley scored 37 off 26, whilst Paul Saunders hit 21* off 27.
Andoversford fell to the accurate and consistent bowling of the Bays, who shared the wickets around. Saunders took one, whilst Thorp, Liley J and Guthrie took a brace each, as the home team were dismissed for 130.
Bayshill 163/10
Van Dyke A 52/39/9/0, Liley T 37/26/6/0. Saunders 21*/27/3/0.
Gibson 2/14, Carter 2/24, Young 2/11
Andoversford 130/9
Owen 29, Davis 31, Lee 30.
Saunders P 5/0/24/1, Thorp C 5/0/26/2, Liley J 5/0/16/2, Guthrie A 2/0/6/2
Catches & Stumpings Pritchard S 1, Liley S 1&1.
Now dear reader, you’ve realised by now, that by unceremoniously inserting 2 other reports, I’ve managed to lessen the workload of not just the writer, but also the website Supremo, who must be remembered for his sterling effort. And so, to Westbury-on Severn or as the Bays think, Fran-on-Severn.
Stand in captain and Alex bachelor boy Bertie Van Dyke, soon to tap his toe to a certain Mendelssohn’s march won the toss and immediately decided to shake up the order in the way Elvis would have treated this cricketing game of ours. For reasons known only to him, he decided the openers would be the wicket keeper and the occasional player that is Liley of the S persuasion and AJ of the Machi type. This ruse was no doubt due to the fact that the whole team on the day didn’t want to start matters off.
Liley hadn’t started early and indeed had decided that he’d only treat himself to a stoup of the elixir if things turned out all right. With the now bearded AJ at the other end, the game began with a single and on the last ball of the over AJ hit the ball to the fence. Sadly, this was to be AJ’s last boundary. He departed in the eight over with the score on 23 and with 8 to his name. Liley had climbed to 9 by now, with one four to his name and
quite a few dots, which the writer will hurriedly brush over for fear of starting something he doesn’t want to.
Katie Guthrie began her innings with a grim determination not to lose her wicket and with 15 consecutive dots next to her name in the scorebook, she finally got off the mark with a well-placed single. Slowly but surely the score climbed, whilst the wickets didn’t. After 23 overs or so and the score up to about the 90 mark, Liley departed 50 not out with 9 fours to his name and just a few dots, but we won’t go into those here, as it doesn’t do to keep opening the oven door when there’s a topping cake inside. With visions of the Ale of the Abbot arising before the mental retina of the number one batsman, he was off the field to the applause of his team-mates, where the snootful thankfully awaited him.
Away from all this nonsense, captain Alex Van Dyke entered the fray to join Katie, with a captain’s job to do. He wished to steer to good ship Bayshill away from the nearby bend in the River Severn and up to an altitude that Westbury-on-Severn couldn’t aspire to. Katie who had been scoring quite slowly, suddenly upped her game to begin scoring with the rapidity needed as the innings neared its conclusion. Having got to 25 off 54 Katie miscued one off Cueto to be caught with 2 fours to her name. A rapid 22 followed from Alex, before he too went caught, this time off Reed.
Fran Stirrup playing against his own team, pushed the score along with apparent ease. Macleod made 5 before being bowled by Cueto, to be followed by Nishant, who went for a golden quacker to the same bowler. Saunders went second ball to Panting for a duck, whilst Thorp without the E wrapped the innings up with cultured one! Fran meanwhile had amassed 34 off 21 with three 4s and two big sixes. The Bays made 175 in their 35.
After tea, which as usual comprised cheese (from Somerset and very strong I’ll have you know), home grown beetroot and lashings of a bright yellow German mustard and a little Ale of the aforementioned Abbot. (Why I don’t receive remuneration from the Greene King Brewery for this unsolicited plugging of their beer I don’t know. But I can tell you that Abbot Ale is not ale but beer. In case you wanted to know why, it’s because it has been flavoured by hops, which are not used in traditional ale production) Now back to the game before anyone starts getting cross by all the extraneous information that seems to be leeching into the writing.
Cueto opened for Westbury, with Saunders and the doughty Scotsman, Rod ‘I’m a Hibs fan’ Macleod. Macleod had Talie LBW for 4, before Stirrup caught Lweis for 2 off Saunders. Braveheart then had Beth caught behind off a faint snick, but that is enough as we all know. Rod then bowled Tew for a duck before he was taken off for a lie down.
Nishant then had Cueto clean bowled for 44 before Tom Liley sent Henners back for 15 also bowled. Thorp had Keane caught by Saunders and Guthrie had two more clean
bowled off spin. Macleod returned for a caught and bowled and Westbury were all out off just over 30 overs for 129.
Bayshill 175/5
Liley S 50/80/9/0, Guthrie K 25/54/2/0, Van Dyke A 22/22/4/0, Stirrup F 34/21/3/2
Cueto 3/27
Westbury-on-Severn 129/10
Cueto 44, Henners 15, Keane 34
Saunders P 4/0/10/1, Macleod 7/0/30/4, Liley T 4/0/15/1, Nishant 4/0/10/1, Thorp 4/0/12/1, Guthrie A 3/0/10/2
Catches Stirrup 1, Saunders 1. Liley S 1, Macleod 1.