The Colonel, after being summoned at very short notice by our Honorary President Winston and his rather mischievous sidekick Charlie Chimp, is now ready to report on the Bays’ latest match. Charlie in his infinite (monkey) wisdom, decided that match reports were becoming a little too repetitive in their nature. Moreover, he suggested, between loud […]

Having turned down an elevated position in Donald Trump’s new administration in order to retain his scribe duties for the Bayshill, Colonel Mustard returns to report on the club’s latest indoor match as leaders of Cheltenham Division Three. It just goes to show that there is good in the worst of us. Think on’t… Hail […]

With wintry conditions on the horizon, Colonel Mustard, who knows his job from soup to nuts, tries to brighten your day with his latest match report on Bayshill’s fourth game in Division Three. The team before this game were sitting pretty at the top of the division with three successive wins under their collective straining […]

The Colonel is fortunately ‘fresh back’ from high-level talks concerning the upcoming and now recently gone budget and although not entirely willing to splash the ink on Bays’ latest indoor match against St. Phillips North, he readily admits to, ‘damn-well gritting his teeth’ and just getting on with it, unlike as he succinctly puts it, […]

The Colonel once again reprises his role as chief scribe for the mighty Bays following an evening of significant triumph within the confines of Willy’s stadium. Away from the hurly burly of Bayshill cricketing and all that that encompasses, there is the very serious administrative side of the club, which was founded in the early […]

Colonel Mustard, is once more, as ever, most reluctantly propelled back into the cricketing spotlight for the forthcoming indoor season and all associated the japes that go with this sporting extravaganza. The Colonel begins… Having completed the Bays’ stats and laughed a good deal at who’s done this and who hasn’t done that, I’ve started […]

Colonel Mustard carefully selects his favourite Brent or was it Canada Goose quill to dispense an odious joy, a heavy lightness and a huge pinch of blitheringness to all and sundry, in what must as always, be considered a match report one too many. If cricket was devised as a game to entertain, it would […]

Colonel Mustard reports from Dymock; the county of the pear and the Bays’ latest cricketing endeavour. When Dymock is mentioned to Old Moutarde here, I must confess that memories and flights of fantasy come readily to mind. I blame the ‘hand on hip’ poetical air that swirls about the place, in just the same way […]

Colonel Mustard once more back on the mainland and in a full set of heavy tweeds, returns to bring a pinch of normality to readers of this electronic organ. In my cupboard there are two small wheelie type bags, that will satisfy all the necessary baggage requirements of the cheap end of the airline spectrum. […]

The Colonel, of the Mustard variety no less, was staying in the elaborately decorated Egyptian House in Penzance, just down the road from his rather bibulous and unusual third cousin removed, the highly esteemed Admiral Benbow. Where he’d been removed from, still confused old Mustard, but then many things, most of little consequence had always […]

Bayshill immersed in Fate’s gumbo! The Colonel (of the Mustard type) returns with grim-faced fortitude to deliver another dose of almost incoherent cricketing japes from deep within the bucolic Cotswolds. A year in cricket is a long time! Never mind all that politics nonsense, with the various parties’ chaps and chapesses going about to extol […]

Colonel Mustard returns once more, but I must warn you that he’s been walking up and down like Napolean on the Bellerophon. When some dashed bounder took me aside and whispered conspiratorially in my nearest lug hole that my last report was inaccurate, I nearly blew a damned fuse and then with a small pinch […]

Colonel Mustard once more sounds off on the Bays’ latest cricketing embranglement. Well my hearties – and I hope you don’t take umbrage at my informal tones so early in a document as important to the Bays as the Magna Carta, Gettysburg Address or dare I say it that most important of border agreements, inscribed […]

Colonel Mustard returns from his latest batch of intensive therapy, recommended by no less than the esteemed Prof Ganglion, club physician and nerve specialist (Hat size 8+). The Professor in stern words, had indicated that a stiff injection of sea air and immersive Fjord Therapy a must for Mustard. Let us all hope that it […]

In a world inundated with reminders and digital assistants, forgetting seems like a relic of the past, a quaint memory lost in the fog of our collective consciousness. Yet, despite our best efforts to corral our thoughts and belongings, forgetfulness persists, like a mischievous imp dancing on the fringes of our minds. It lurks in […]

The season of cricket has been thrust upon us all once more, whether we like it or whether we do not. The Bayshill’s very own roving reporter is once more awakened from slumbers within a deep and chill hibernation that has lasted the full distance from the last indoor match until this very moment in […]

This organ of the mighty Bays is reservedly thrilled to welcome back Colonel Mustard to shed light on Match 10, the last indoor game of season 23/4. Leading up to this final game of the season, for cricket is the focus of this missive, I have to say that there has been just a slight […]

Colonel Mustard is still stymied by the same unforgiving and prolonged attack of the vapours, that saw him side-lined as long ago as two weeks. Snuff partaking Ivor Hugh J Thurston is reluctantly back in harness to relate to you, the indoor cricketing activities of the ninth Bays’ indoor match, whilst simultaneously trousering a nifty […]

Colonel Mustard is not available this week due to a nasty bout of the vapours. He has for his own well-being been returned by Professor Ganglion, the reputed Nerve Specialist, to the much spoken about Greater Wittering Sanatorium for the rusty and seriously unhinged. Instead at very short notice we are delighted to welcome back […]

With the Yuletide activities over and once more carefully packed into the lumber room of Memory Lodge, Old Moutarde returns for your pleasure or otherwise, as your breathless kerricketing correspondent for another year’s jolly japes. Having awoken after nine hours of the dreamless, I thought I’d be better placed to report on the mighty Bays’ […]

Colonel Mustard returns to bring more joy into your busy lives, with a report bursting with pep and ginger, on the Bayshill’s latest giddying escapade. Selecting a fixed number of players to represent any team whether it be in the muddied waters of synchronised swimming, the lichen-covered ancient sport of dwile flonking, or Morris Dancing […]

Colonel Mustard apoplectic after last night’s match relates in full detail the gory horror of Bays’ latest outing with Birdlip & Brimpsfield. “Chairman,” I said, “may I speak frankly?” “Certainly, sir.” “What I have to say may wound you.” “Well, then—“ No — wait. Hold the line a minute. I’ve gone off the rails. I’m […]

Old Moutarde, as he known in foreign parts, returns to bring you a non-footling report to get your snappers into. It is a truism to say that the best laid plans of mice and men are on occasion overcome by some unforeseen glitch in the stratagem. Now, as recently reported here in this fine organ, […]

Are you ready, dear readers, to embark on a wild and wacky journey back in time to discover the peculiar beginnings of that oh-so-spooky holiday we know and love today? Buckle up, because we’re about to dive into the fantastic tale of Halloween! Once Upon a Time in Ancient Celtic Land: Samhain Spectacles Our story […]

Colonel Mustard is delighted to be asked to furnish the Bays readership with a report to warm the cockles of your heart. Indeed, so pleased was he, to get on with the details, that he put down the RAAC not so solid concrete, garish, garden gnome he was delicately refurbishing. I hasten to add, without […]

Colonel Mustard files his latest cricket report for your delight, before heading south to the Iberian peninsula in search of something called by the locals, most who seem to lithp, ‘Cerveza.’ The Lesser Stag Beetle as our team coleopterologist, will no doubt verify (if pushed a little), is a harbinger of success in our game […]

Colonel Mustard is just back and ready to write indoor match report number two, after spending most of the morning giggling and wheezing uncontrollably over some of the unfortunate numbers ‘thrown up’ (and I use the term carefully) in the recently completed statistics. Well now, my fellow Bayshillians, I am most fabulously happy to inform […]

Colonel Mustard is shocked to be back so soon and to boot, to be writing our first match report for the indoor season. Having given my irresponsible and lazy leg, frequent and intense thrashings with my silver tipped walking stick I feel I’m ready to impart noteworthy cricketing events to you the dear reader. Now […]

Hugh Janus has been plucked from the underpants of retirement to report on the latest Bayshill match against NEW fixture, Kingswood Village CC. A largely hungover Bayshill arrived at the village playing fields to do battle with Kingswood Village. In what would turn out to be a most exciting affair. The sore heads courtesy of […]

Colonel Mustard unexpectedly returns with his White-tailed Sea Eagle quill to bring you a report of considerable gravitas and unexpected excitement. Well my picaninnies (in the old Portuguese sense only, before you dare start on me), I say to you, reaching out in a Neil Diamond sort of way, that I’m back. Yes indeed, just […]

And what would you say to a nice cup of tea Father? The day after a baptism that saw Bayshill’s Jimmy Soggy Anderson bouncing like a baby on a bouncy castle.  Bayshill CC travelled up the road, up the hill to Ullenwood and to a bowl of a picturesque ground on Crickley hill. Ullenwood kindly […]

Hugh Jardon continues and is back to report on the first home game of the season!  Something most clubs take for granted. But when you’re Nomadian such as the Bays these games are a treat.  Down Hatherley CC have graciously allowed us to use their tucked away ground with a lovely set up.  A good […]

Hugh Jardon, brother of Hugh Janus reporting this week. Janus has taken an extended period of absence after his debutant submission last week. I can report he’s doing fine, but his boils are playing up again and he’s kindly asked for rest until the swelling goes down. All those at Mustards blog incorporate wish him […]

Colonel Mustard returns, but at the same time salutes Hugh Janus for his recent high quality report and warns him to be on his mettle, as his efforts will be needed in the not too distant future once more, due to the Colonel’s recent impediment. Well I must say that young Hugh, of the Janus […]

Hail to thee, esteemed reader, and be greeted on this fair day. I bid thee a hearty welcome to thine weekly chronicle of the match held upon the past weekend. Thy correspondent for this occasion be none other than a gentleman named Mr. Hugh Janus. Partake in the ensuing account with mirth and delight, and […]

Colonel Mustard somewhat stymied by events far beyond his earthly control, sits backs and makes some pre-Kingsholm notes for your attention. Chingsehame is a place of interest to the people who constitute Bayshill Cricket Club. In the year of 1220, this small hamlet had nothing to do with cricket, mainly for the reason that the […]

Colonel Mustard finally returns to Bayshill CC reporting duties, having located and turned the brass doorknob on the hyperbaric chamber to facilitate his escape. AI has a lot to answer for. I’m not sure you, the esteemed reader of this organ, was aware of the fact that it was used to write the first match […]

This esteemed organ’s roving reporter, none other than Old Moutarde himself is still purportedly stuck in the decompression chamber that he has been confined to, due to a nasty case of the Bends. He has though, quite remarkably managed to convey to you, the learned reader, some news relating to important Bays’ issues this week. […]

Colonel Mustard, due to a nasty attack of the Bends, is replaced at very short notice this week by the highly esteemed Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Mustard is currently recovering in a hyperbaric chamber from whence he dictated a message in Morse Code by tapping his Churchwarden against the thick metalwork, to the world press. […]

Colonel Mustard, our very own tweed-clad, virtual pipe-smoking roving reporter, once more returns, to convey to you, the highly educated reader, of this esteemed and honoured organ, the veritable delights of Bayshill CC’s second game of Season 2023. A new season; a new start indeed; a new epoch possibly; a bright new shiny and erudite […]

Greetings, fellow cricket enthusiasts! It’s time to rejoice as Bayshill CC returns to the pitch with a resounding entrance after weeks of unwelcomed rain. The excitement is palpable, and the entire Bayshill community is abuzz with anticipation for the forthcoming season. So, grab your cricket gear, strap on your boots, and join us on this […]

Colonel Mustard starts the new season with a regally large scoop. Raise your glasses for the new king my friends! The monarch has despite his fantastically busy schedule, managed to squeeze in, a new role and with it, a wholly new and prestigious title. Bays players and their massed supporters, past and present, have the […]

Colonel Mustard recently recovered from a nasty case of Rising Damp, reports on Bayshill CC’s National Chairman Day. When you’re invited to a Bayshill event, you jolly well better take some serious notice and attend. That’s right, stop that blessed involuntary twitching and affected blinking and looking for all intensive purposes as damned confused as […]

Colonel Mustard reports from Cheltenham Cricket Club ground on the Display Refrigeration Hire Ltd Cheltenham Indoor Cricket League Presentation evening (Wednesday 1st March), whilst sucking half-heartedly on a long Churchwarden… A good coarse, but nevertheless moist shag, before writing a cricket report is quite a necessity for me. Such a tradition, helps inculcate the old […]

This humble organ of the mighty Bayshill CC is delight headed to welcome the hubris wracked Colonel Mustard (or the Duke of Sussex in waiting, as he prefers to be called these days), back from his enforced ‘close encounter’ hiatus, to report on the very last game of the indoor season… In a hectic fortnight, […]

Ivor Hugh J Thurston breathlessly replaces Colonel Mustard for this week’s cricket report on Bayshill’s ninth indoor game of the season. The Colonel is currently unavailable due to serious mechanical problems with his new Goosander goose quill (Mergus merganser), also there is the unquestionable fact that he has somewhat predictably, gone missing once more. Yes, […]

Colonel Mustard once again picks up his Brent Goose quill and lets rip on the Bays’ latest antics. Oh, and their latest match report as well, before anyone has the cheek and is so bold as to suggest that this organ encourages flights of fancy! Things are moving quickly now within the vast and gloomy […]

The recently honoured Colonel Mustard, reports for your delectation on the Bays seventh indoor match of season 22/23, in his resplendent new claret with mustard trim, quilted, Alibaba pixie-style slippers. (Ones, if you can’t imagine them already by now, with turned up, curly, pointy ends, terminating with jaunty festive and rather daring, highly buffed bronze […]

News of the Bays’ latest match is brought to you by none other than Colonel Mustard himself. This esteemed and prestigious organ would like to be the very first to congratulate our very own roving reporter, having, it can be exclusively revealed here, is to be mentioned in the New Year’s Honours List for services […]

With the smoke from, The House in The Tree’s chimney turning from an intestinal brown to a semi-skimmed white, it was clear to all and sundry that the Bays had elected a new Pope and his ‘Right-Hand Man’. That’s right, it does happen every now again whether it’s a good thing or not. The outgoing […]

Colonel Mustard is enthused to be back in the fold and is veritably bubbling with joy to be writing this epistle if you like, on the Bays quarter final, against the Winner of Match 5 of The First Round Proper. With a spanking brand new (yes indeed) Canada Goose quill in hand and a flagrant […]

Once again, the Colonel (of the Mustard variety) was happy to report on the Bayshill’s most recent encounter in the Indoor League with rivals Cranham. Well, when I said he was happy, I am I’m afraid to convey, slightly exaggerating. He was in fact somewhat disparaging and a trifle curmudgeonly or even brusque if you […]

Colonel Mustard is back, yes dear reader, he’s back from his enforced holiday in a most secret location and now he politely lets the world know what’s wrong and a little of what’s right, concerning the happenings of the modern day. Hurrah we all say! With monocle screwed in, as far, as is decent, in […]

The following occured on Wednesday evening in an Indoor league division 3 match. Last over, 6 runs needed. One wicket left.Nerves, excitement and the constant hoover like hum of a broken air conditioner unit filled the hall. First ball – 3 runs scored. Second ball – 1 run. Now only two needed off 4 balls. […]

Colonel Mustard somewhat despondent at having been given three days notice to leave, for an enforced week’s holiday / break at Lamport Hall High Security Sanatorium for the Grossly Unhinged, writes this latest exposition on the Bays’ exploits in the Cheltenham Cricket Indoor League. Dog whelks are the last thing you’d expect to begin an […]

Colonel Mustard is delighted to report on the mighty Bays’ first match of the 2022/3 Cheltenham Indoor Cricket League under the new monarch, King Charles III. With 18 carat gold Victorian monocle currently at ease, sporting natty but split spats and with grossly stained gargantuan tweed trousers and a disgustingly smelly Meerschaum in one hand […]

You’ll be delighted to learn that Colonel Mustard is now restored to full rude health and after having spent the early part of the day rearranging his fine and extensive banana label collection now has his favourite loaded goose quill to hand, to report on the Bays latest and possibly penultimate match of the season. […]

Readers will be distressed to learn that Colonel Mustard is unavailable this week due to a Special Operation he has been summoned to perform. He was last seen in his Tweeds at the railway station of Cheltenham Spa sporting a truss. By the time this report goes live on the internet thingy, we’ll all have […]

Jolly Rodgered! This cricketing report and associated nonsense is constructed 100% by the hand, courtesy of the little grey cells of none other than a certain Colonel Mustard. Readers are reminded or possibly warned, that in an age, where some people of a more delicate persuasion can and often take offence or indeed perchance frisson, […]

Colonel Mustard although not in the rudest of health, has decided after last week’s catastrophic contribution from Titussa Newt, that enough, as the French egg seller said, is enough! To this end, he has reluctantly put down his ebony ear trumpet, dusted off his favourite spats, tightened his silken cummerbund, buffed up his 18 carat […]

Readers will be sorry to learn that Colonel Mustard has again been struck down with a prolonged case of the vapours and unfortunately Ivor Hugh J Thurston is unavailable due to being forced to go on holiday in Skegness. As you would expect, this mighty organ has been able find a replacement at short notice. […]

Colonel Mustard returns to bring to you a first-hand account of the game between the mighty Bays and old rivals Cowley CC. If you were to be awarded the ACM you’d think it was some military thing or other, you know the sort of thing to have a bar attached and to be talked about […]

Ivor Hugh J Thurston reports from the rural retreat that is North Nibley. Readers are informed that Colonel Mustard is having the week off after the Isles of Scilly Tour, due to exhaustion and a severely prolapsed wallet. Well-wishers are encouraged to drop bottles of Abbot and used fivers off, in plain brown paper envelopes […]

Beer and Sandwiches Save the Day! Colonel Mustard, once again chipper, after finding his scrimshaw-engraved orca tooth snuffbox and indeed voluminous sperm whale tooth hip flask, reports from the lofty peak of The Garrison on St. Mary’s. The tour may be over now, but the Colonel’s failing memory ensures he remembers it as a raging […]

Bayshill Lose Their Way Again! After some serious thought and a little help from a bottle of vintage Brain Splitter 33, Colonel Mustard shakes an interesting display array of nasal hairs and assorted dandruff flakes from his gargantuan tweed trousers, sits up straight as an ironing board as though in the howdah and inks his […]

Colonel Mustard furious at the previous evening’s loss of the shiny Tresco cup is now recovering, after giving himself a terrible thrashing with his silver-tipped ebony walking stick.  Even so, in spite of terrible bruising to the lower legs and the tumultuous storm raging within his cranium, he has as a matter of duty lifted […]

Gisela and Charles Liley Memorial Cup Colonel Mustard once more picks up his goose quill to report from sub-tropical Tresco on the evening game of Thursday 21st July 2022. Talk on the island of Tresco on a hot and dusty day had been of pith helmets and the battle to come. The battle of course […]

The secret is now out. Bays tourists have been spotted, sporting natty purple touring shirts, which were kindly sponsored by Jason, landlord of The House in The Tree. We raise a glass or two to you Jason and wish The House in The Tree all the success it thoroughly deserves. (www.houseinthetree.co.uk) Colonel Mustard ‘monocled up’ […]

Colonel Mustard once more in disgustingly good rude health now reports from the colourful city of Bristol for the mighty Bays’ latest cricketorial outing. Resplendent in claret smoking jacket and black mirror-adorned, tasselled, smoking hat and with a ‘virtual-smoking’ Meercham, clutched in Jupitens Contractured clawed fingers he waxes lyrical… Back in the old days, when […]

Ivor Hugh J Thurston is back once more to report on Bayshill CC’s latest foray in the cricketing arena. A home game played in the ancient Anglo Saxon borough of Winchcombe to Asian Sports CC. Winchcombe is currently home to the Bays and it must be said that the little ground nestles comfortably in the […]

Colonel Mustard, back in the howdah, reports on the mighty Bays latest outing. (Not that sort of outing – really! How could you think such a thing) When I heard that the cricket club, going by the name of Bayshill were, next month going on tour again, my mind danced back on Jungle-booted feet, to […]

Colonel Mustard replaces Ivor Hugh J Thurston, returning to report on a T20 match in a hawthorn clearing, somewhat downstream from another hawthorn clearing! Yes, you did read that correctly. All local to the area, will indubitably know that in 1221AD, the village hosting today’s game went by the name of Hugheberleg no less, meaning […]

Ivor Hugh J Thurston is unexpectedly back as ‘guest reporter,’ at what I have to admit, is enormous expense to the public purse and also to the Bays’ bulging bank account, due to the Colonel being regrettably made unavailable, having been involved in what can only be described as a terrifying episode that nearly saw […]

It can now be revealed that this organ’s cricket specialist writer, Ivor Hugh J Thurston has been removed from his role and stripped of all duties, regarding reporting on Bayshill CC. This decision, although not undertaken lightly, has been made due to gross reporting errors in his last contribution. A spokesman, standing outside Bayshill House […]

Ivor Hugh J Thurston reports in the absence of Colonel Mustard, who continues his slow recuperation in Lamport Hall High Security Sanatorium. The Colonel issued a statement on his Twatter Account, saying he wanted to be back on duty by the time Her Majesty has gone Platinum. Poulton’s pitch is beyond doubt a sight to […]

Ivor Hugh J Thurston reports midweek from the village of Eckington, where the Bays went for T20 match that would probably have been better as a T5. Colonel Mustard is still unavailable dear reader, but is responding well to ‘Garden Gnome Therapy’ a new approach being trialled in Lamport Hall. Having won the toss and […]

Ivor Hugh J Thurston, reports on the Bayshill’s latest match against Charlton Kings. Readers will be devastated to learn that Colonel Mustard is once again back in a high security sanatorium due to further unpredicted attacks of the vapours. Well wishers, (he sternly requests) can leave bottles of his favourite beer and cash, preferably large […]

Colonel Mustard, furious and thoroughly wet through, in heavy, tartan tweeds, reports from the delightful Cotswold village that is Naunton. Standing, wellified, in his allotment, sporting a classy Victorian monocle and virtually smoking, his Meershaum, the Colonel spoke forth. ‘I’m unimpressed with the attitude of the greenery, I’ve been nurturing so lovingly. The climbing beans […]

Colonel Mustard happily reports from the rural idyll that is Overbury. Alex Van Dyke, ex-captain, batsman and all round cricketer, sent news of his conquest of America! Yes, that’s right, I did say conquest. Rumours, yea verily rumours, he had seen Goofy, Daffy, Pluto and Micky are nonsense, but it has been confirmed by a […]

Colonel Mustard’s article on Bayshill CC’s most recent encounter at Ullenwood, is shown here below, in its full unabridged version. The Colonel knowing that the ground was positioned at what he assumed to be of a serious altitude, had arrived with several of his faithful bearers. These were seen to be carrying oxygen cylinders, crampons, […]

Colonel Mustard, recently released from Lamport Hall High Security Sanatorium, after a prolonged and somewhat nasty case of the vapours, is delighted to be now in a position to report on the Bayshill’s latest spectacular triumph on Easter Sunday. Well, I must start by saying that those damn blighters know how to keep a bally […]

Colonel Mustard sadly is currently unavailable, having travelled to Venice for extensive Root Canal and a little bridge work. (heavy Sighs all round) Thus, Ivor Hugh J Thurston is pleased to enlighten you, the reader with the very latest Bays news, hot off the press. On the 10th of March at 7.30pm, 2022, Cheltenham Cricket […]

Colonel Mustard, monocle at ease, lounging somewhat nonchalantly on his threadbare Chesterfield, eloquently puts down in sepia ink, with his favourite goose feather quill, the real reason why the Bays’ fortunes changed from part-time winners to full-blown heroes. Division 3’s a strange place to be. A mere one below Division Tuesday and strangely just the […]

Ivor Hugh J Thurston reports on Bayshill’s latest glorious victory that sees them climb to second in Division Three of Cheltenham’s Indoor Cricket League. (Colonel Mustard is currently away on Olympic duty, having been catapulted at huge expense into The Russian Olympic Committee’s team as ethical guidance counsellor for those skating on very thin ice. […]

Colonel Mustard back from his triumphant solo ascent of Everest reports from Charlie’s stadium.When I planted Bayshill CC’s flag in the thin layer of snow on the roof of the world, I shed a tear for players past, present and future. (God only knows why, as the majority are, to put it most politely – […]

Ivor Thurston reports on the latest Bayshill match in the Third Division of Cheltenham’s Indoor Cricket League. (Colonel Mustard is currently unavailable; he is at base camp of Mount Everest on a one man mission to climb the mountain by himself with no oxygen, no support – just normal underpants, and no climbing gear except […]

Colonel Mustard recently back from a therapeutic break in Bridport reports on Bayshill’s latest low key triumph. Writing cricket reports is not an easy thing to do!  ‘Why is that?’ I hear you the doughty reader in all innocence ask.  Well I can tell you that the need for thought and appropriate adjectives takes me […]

Colonel Mustard reports from the PoW Cricket Centre on the Bays fifth match in Division 3 of Cheltenham’s Indoor Cricket League. Captain Chris Horner won the toss with an expensive two pound coin, leant to him for the formalities. Unusually, this esteemed leader chose to field. Were the conditions right for bowling? Did the early […]

Ivor Thurston reports on Bayshill’s exit from the Knock-out cup this Monday. (Colonel Mustard is currently unavailable. He has had to return to a pop-up sanatorium somewhere near to Bury-St-Edmunds, following uncorroborated news that Bayshill CC was to become an attraction at Peppa Pig World) Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to report to you […]

Colonel Mustard reports from the Prince of Wales Cricket Stadium after specialised holistic treatment for sesquipedalian verbosity. Wyman’s Brook is not a mighty water course, nor is the Hatherley Brook, nor indeed the river Chelt, but what these conduits have in common is that they all push their way inexorably towards greater and more substantial […]

Colonel Mustard returns on his uppers to fire off some perfidious gems of wisdom (nothing to do with Mr. Grimsdale I hasten to add) nor Wisden either. (The most kind offer of Michael Vaughan to write tonight’s match report or indeed play this evening, due to unexpected availability was turned down by the Bays’ selection […]

Ivor Thurston taking a break from his disgustingly large, somewhat soft (3 on the Mohs Scale) golden-brown, hand-carved sepiolite, Meerschaum pipe, reports somewhat asthmatically and distinctly wheezily from the main balcony at The PoW Cricket Stadium. The mighty Bays had managed to slip three places after losing somewhat badly, a fortnight ago to Cranham, but […]

In order not to forget the precise details of this match against Cranham CC, Colonel Mustard has taken the unusual step of writing his report before the match actually happens. By employing this clever ruse, he hopes to avoid any misreporting, misrepresentation , but not any other miss you happen to put his way. Leading […]

Ivor Thurston brings to you the spurious delights of Bayshill CC’s progress in Cheltenham Indoor Cricket League.New and shiny captain, Chris Horner Esq took to his elevated role like an Eider Duck ? to the calm and balsamic waters of Fossvogur. Of course he won the spin of the groat! So in the way of […]

Ivor Thurston reports on the Bays’ end of season jamboree. (Colonel Mustard was to help co-write this twaddle, but he’s currently suffering from an ingrown wallet and a nasty bout of scabies following a disastrous trip to a back-street chiropodist in Bishops’ Itchington) In attempting the impossible, that is, to replicate the shenanigans of a […]

Colonel Mustard reports on Bushley CC v Bayshill CC; the last game of Bayshill’s 2021 season – the 28th game played and by a strange coincidence, almost the same number as Mustard’s age. When all that has to be said and all that has to be done has, you know that the season has finally […]

Colonel Mustard back from his ‘holiday’ reports on the Bays latest triumph. Before he does so however, he’d like to pay tribute to young Mr Jardon who so beautifully described last week’s match. That chap’ll go far and with his onomatopoeic name should in all rights already be an upstanding member of the club. So […]

Well you asked for it. And we listened. Colonel Mustard has been sectioned. He didn’t go quietly mind you. His residential area known as Bennyhill (who’s housing value has rose substantially since his removal) had to endure the foul mouth tirade as Mustard, 86, was seen being escorted into the back of an ambulance fully […]

Colonel Mustard reports from the flower pricked Alpine pastures of Birdlip, high above the vast metropolis of Cheltenham 7 days after the dubious delights of Droitwich, the mighty Bays defied gravity to stream upwards to the dizzy heights of Birdlip. Like the great rivers of the world, the Bays just keeps rolling along and just […]

Colonel Mustard reports from Kabul after Bayshill’s match with Droitwich. A year is a long time in politics, but it’s even longer in cricket. Last year the Bays travelled northwards to Droitwich to lose to the hosts in a match marred by unsavoury behaviour. I’ll not go into detail here as my dander is currently […]

Colonel Mustard reports from Winchcombe on Bays v The Travellers CC Cricket can be a funny game. I should know, it’s made me laugh a few times. It’s also made me cry a few times, but then again if you’d ask me about that to my face, I’ll deny it emphatically. So let’s not ponder […]

By Colonel Mustard (still self-isolating in accordance with instructions from Feb this year) Rhubarb pickle in a cheese sandwich is as much of a surprise as it is a delight. Ex Bays captain Pete Arnold, who sadly passed away last year had a wife by the name of Maggie, who still produces this fantastic relish […]

And now, the end is nearAnd so I face the final curtainMy friend, I’ll make it clearI’ll state my case, of which I am certain I’ve lived a life that’s fullI travelled each and every highwayAnd more, much moreI did it, I did it Bays way Pints, I’ve had a fewBut then again, too few […]

Ivor Thurston exclusive on the St Agnes match: Balmy hot weather, coupled with wildlife as exotic as the Bays players themselves propelled this game into the echelons of uncharted tropical southern seas. Cricket I hear you say, dear reader, and yes you strangely have hit the nail right on the button. Nobby the Nobster, with […]

Colonel Mustard reports from the Garrison, St Mary’s on Bays latest match St Mary‘s won the toss and batted on a pitch full of the joys of plastic. Russ was dismissed on 19 by Saunders, back in the land of the living after a day in the outer reaches of the universe, after a single […]

Match report by Ivor ThurstonBayshill won the toss (Nobby again) and we’re batting before you could sing, ‘I am the Walrus!’. After 26 balls and 22 runs the Bays lost their first wicket – Chrissos (recently disengaged) for 7 left the crease to get into his hot pants. Nobby (recently disengaged as well) fell for […]

Ivor Thurston reporting breathlessly after Bayshill’s stunning victory over Tresco. Put in to bat, Bays made the worst of possible starts on the artificial strip on the Tresco Oval. 3 of the top four batsmen went for just 3 runs between them, leaving the mighty Bays as deep in doodah as it was possible to […]

With the light already brightening and the temperatures akin to something half decent in Papua New Guinea. And by that I mean armpit-burger jungle-like, it all began again.Like a recurring Malthusian nightmare, I heard those terrible and unexplainable words.‘Mummy my teddy’s stopped breathing.’ A few of the team had already made their way Willy billy […]

Ivor Thurston reports on the very latest Bays news. Well, as I perched atop that Matterhorn of a Cotswold mountain, made of nothing more than Wensleydale Cheese oolitic limestone, my mind wandered back on hammered-in spiked cricket boots to the haze of the early days of the Bays, when the sun shone just a little […]

Colonel Mustard returns from a therapeutic weekend in Dijon to brighten your day – he is now self-isolating with half the population in a nearby Wetherspoons. A report on cricket invariably starts with who won the toss. Well this one, sadly is only a little different, but for the fact that the use of pronouns […]

Ivor Thurston (roving reporter) returns to bring a little joy to followers of the mighty Bays with a look at Cowley v Bayshill. Cricket is all about what might have been. The if onlys, the buts and of course the, ‘that umpires.’Well my reader, today the Bays should have taken to the gramineae baise of […]

Virtual pipe smoking is not a hobby to be taken lightly. First, there is the necessary equipment and secondly and arguably more importantly there is the ‘state of mind.’ My fellow reporter Dalton esq knows more than little about such activities, having in his time reported on the legendary athlete Tug Wilson many, many moons […]

Two buzzards, a pied wagtail, a good number of house martins and other birds did their best to liven up an encounter always in danger of being derailed by the weather. Worcester batted first and slowly amassed a total that was going to be an interesting chase for the Bays. Owen and Ali pushed the […]

Important news prior to match report:Bayshill team selection turned on its head. Bayshill were extremely grateful to Winchcombe CC who provided the extra players needed for last night’s exciting cricketorial extravaganza at Gotherington. A big thank you goes to Callum Hilliard, Mitchell Renton, C Willpenstein and Clayton D. We salute you! In contrast, a Bayshill […]

Match report by Colonel Mustard & Junior Reporter Pontifex Maximus – Benedict XVI. Diplomacy reigned supreme in the minutes leading up to 2pm. Senior Bayshill players (100% anonymous) without guidance from Captain Pierce and Vice Horner, decided to agree with Temple Grafton’s captain. Temple Grafton players were told they’d lost the toss and were fielding, […]

Leaden, slate skies greeted the Bays in Tewkesbury prior to this one-sided conflict in the Bloody Meadow, that is the battleground of their cricket club. Nobby wearing full armour, lost the toss and with 6 Tewkesbury first team players waiting to bat, the omens immediately looked poor. This coupled with injuries to T Liley (hamstring) […]

On a day when the balmy hot weather became the talking point for the nation and England kicked a pig’s bladder around the Wobbly Stadium, Bayshill CC played a proper game. That game? Dominoes! No, that for the younger reader is, my friend, a joke. Cricket is of course the answer. (See original Bayshill entrance […]

Bayshill captain Nobby Pierce won the toss and elected to field against this weeks opponents, Asian Sports CC. The weather had decided to ‘play ball’ having rained hard during the night. Amit was the the first to go, comprehensively out LBW to Tom Liley, who not for the first time was the meanest bowler with […]

Match report by Colonel Mustard (OBE, 1 GCSE, called the bar – many of them)Poulton CC out-smarted Bayshill by winning the toss and electing to bat. The pitch still damp, responded well to a game of 40 over cricket and at the end still resembled such a sporting arena, unlike the chocolate mousse Bayshill played […]

On a cold and wet evening, at Ullenwood, Bayshill batted first in an 18 over shortened match. Bayshill made 98, with Horner firing well to 27 off 25 finishing with a flamboyant 6 that scraped the ozone layer. Pritchard followed with a lively 24 off 22, also troubling the heavens with one six. Van Dyke […]

Gotherington made steady progress to 211 with Bayshill bowlers trying to contain the score. Prisloe made a great century before retiring. Sharp reached 57, falling to Colin Harding, bowled. Chris Horner ran out Coyle for 32. Alex Harding bowled 5 overs for just 20, being the 2nd most economical bowler on the day. Tom Liley […]

No images for this game, due to the intoxicating distraction of a victory.Come on the Bays! Bayshill won the toss and chose to bat in the Arctic tundra-like conditions of Cowley. Fran Stirrup and Ajit Singh both retired on 28, using 13 & 17 balls respectively. Lloyd Parker also reached the magical retirement number of […]

Bayshill won the toss and elected to field on a sunny but chilly afternoon, in a 35 over match against North Nibley. R Boroughs hit a splendid 125 that included 15 fours and 5 sixes, only to be winkled out by Wayne Morris who tricked Burroughs into 2 sixes and a four before claiming his […]

Peopleton won the toss and chose to field on a fine, sunny but breezy afternoon. Bayshill made steady progress, with the top 5 batsman contributing well. Pierce and Van Dyke moving the score along well with some lusty blows clearing the boundary. 250 seemed a good score, until about the third over of Peopleton’s knock. […]

Match report by Col Mustard: In a tense 35 over encounter between Charlton Kings and Bayshill, the home side squeaked home.Charlton Kings won the toss and elected to bat on a wonderful sun-bathed spring Sunday. The artificial wicket provided a batting surface that helped the wielders of the willow slightly more than the launchers of […]

Captain Nobby Pierce won the toss and elected to take the rather beautiful field of Colwall, on another stunning autumnal Sunday, for a noon start. The bowling was opened by the father and son pair of Colin and Michael Harding. Colin celebrating his 50th birthday ? in the week, took 1 for 15 off 4, […]

Bayshill once again won the toss and chose to bat in this early start 40/40 match, against Bushley, on a fine autumnal Sunday, in a delightful setting. Pierce and Horner put on 51 in 12 overs before the former was out LBW for 10 off 40. Horner then on 38, moved the score with Parker […]

After relatively low scores of 162, 164, and 163 in the last three Bayshill matches, setting a total of 155 off 40 seemed a tad optimistic. Chris Horner scored 28 off 55, Lloyd Parker 22 off 40, Tom Liley 46 off 58, including 7 fours and Alex Van Dyke 23 off 40, which constituted the […]

Bayshill registered another lose today, in an out of county experience against Droitwich Spa. Not as surreal as astral projection, but certainly unlooked for. In cool and over clouded conditions, Droitwich made 223 off 40 overs. A Shaw made a century before retiring, with Goss making 23 and A Singh 37 respectively. Stirrup took a […]

North Nibley restricted Bayshill to a miserly 136 as it would turn out to be. Jack Wyatt and Adrian Pierce batted well for a hard fought 38 off 15 or so overs. Jack went on to make 35 before being bowled at which point the score was 87. Alex Van Dyke then on 25 accelerated […]

Bayshill struggled to defend 153 on a slow and unresponsive pitch. Even so only 3 balls were to spare at the end. Pierce and Horner opened and made 29 for the first wicket. Dom Hill replaced Pierce who made 21 off 23. The second wicket pairing put on 65 before Horner was bowled for 32 […]

Bayshill’s first win of the season was achieved in a friendly 40 over match with Ullenwood CC. Bayshill kept Ullenwood quiet with an accurate bowling display, which only yielded 145 runs. Mike Harding bowled well, opening the match to finish with a respectable 17 runs coming off his 7 overs for just the one wicket. […]

The first match of the season under ECB guidelines for COVID turned into a close lose for Bayshill. Bayshill made 93 with Ajit’s explosive 54, which included four sixes, forming the backbone of the innings. Tom Quinton batted well for an assured 25, with the rest of the team apparently completely seized with a thick […]